


It's always you

by Deadriot



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - School, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-28
Updated: 2017-06-26
Packaged: 2018-09-02 22:25:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 19
Words: 25,666
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8685655
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Deadriot/pseuds/Deadriot
Summary: Sherlock falls in love with John, he decides not to tell him.





	1. In the beginning, there was John Watson

**Author's Note:**

> It has parts of Sherlock's personal diary and is set after rehab. New beginnings.
> 
> I have made a few changes, just merged 2 chapters and deleted a couple of things I thought could just go better.

**Excerpt from the diary of W.S.S. Holmes**

‘ _This is something I was required to write. My therapist is convinced that writing down what happens will help. I am doubtful of his methods, but nevertheless, Mummy is expecting me to comply without complaints._

 _After the whole fiasco, I am beginning anew at another school. I’ve finally been allowed to skip a couple of years (2), and start my chemistry degree early. Today was the first class, and we share one of the topics with medicine students. Dull. Needless to say, they’re all idiots. Some of them have no idea of what half the reactions, or chemical compositions are and do. I worry for the future of the healthcare system if these idiots are to be doctors_.’

Mycroft was grinning like a mischievous cat, Sherlock could see him even when he was staring straight ahead. Not like he needed to see him, he knew him enough to know he would grin. Their parents had asked him to take Sherlock to school and make sure that he actually went in. This was the first time he was on his own since rehab, he had to check in with the staff, and attend to all of his classes. Every one of them, no matter how boring or useless the deemed them. And so, here he was, sitting at the very back of the room in a desk by himself. he could see them all pointing at him and talking in hushed voices, all of them drawing conclusions even though they had less than scraps of information. Asymmetric information should never be trusted when drawing conclusions and taking decisions. He knew how the rest of the year would go from there, he'd be alone, as always, and excluded by his fellow peers even though he was the smartest student in the whole room.

All the other sits were taken except for the one besides him. it was his very first date, and he was already as lonely as he was in his room at the rehab centre and before.

It was a couple of minutes after the class began, that someone barged running into the room. The door was opened so strong that it banged against the wall and startled everyone. 'Sorry.' apologized the guy at the door as he hastily made his way to Sherlock's side.

Sherlock decided to completely ignore the blond, he didn't got the message. Taking out pen and paper, he began making notes of the term's overview. 'Hey mate! John Watson.' He began, Sherlock was once again taken from his mind palace and focused on John. Rugby captain, a couple of years older, but not because of failing the subject, he most likely didn't had enough money to have the regular workload, smart then. Interesting.

'So, this is beginning to get awkward. Are you ok? I just wanted to know if I had missed anything.' He shifted a bit on his chair in nervousness. Sherlock decided that it was now or never. Better now than later.

'First of all, it's the first day, they'll likely just give us an overview of the program. You missed nothing and, had you completely skipped, are likely to be good as nothing will be covered today. Second, I'm not your "mate", so don't call me "mate." We don't even know each other. Lastly, what was on your mind when you decided to gather your team in the morning if you wanted to make it on time to class?'

He turned to look straight forward and didn't dare to turn back to "John" rugby captain. The class couldn't end fast enough. He just wanted to be out of there. Away from everything. But time decided to take it slow, and his mind decided to go over the whole conversation. Never had someone reached to him, and now that someone did his first reaction had been to hiss at him.

When the professor announced the end of the lesson, he couldn't dash fast enough out the door. In fact, with everyone standing and moving things or asking to their peers about their schedules, he was again approached by John. 'Hey!' called out John from somewhere behind him, 'wait up, please!'

'What could you possibly want or need from me?' answered Sherlock suddenly feeling very defensive, this was how things always began, a statement they couldn't believe or was a secret, and then a fist to his face. He was most definitely ready.

'How did you know about rugby? What else do you know?'

'I know that you're on an scholarship and still aren't able to pay for the complete workload. Also that things aren't going well at home, don't worry, sometimes addicts can't be helped. I also know that you are likely to join the RMC just to be able to finish paying and be able to take all your missing subjects. Did I miss anything?'

John was speechless, the person right before him knew things that he hadn't discussed yet, but had been on his mind. 'That, was amazing.'

For Sherlock, it was as if the world stopped for a moment. He furrowed his brows in confusion and prompted John to continue with a simple, 'pardon me?'

'That was brilliant! I had never seen someone draw information in such a way. How did you do it? Oh, sorry, I don't even know if you have other classes. Nice to meet you...'

Sherlock decided to just nod and left. They were in the same lesson, so they surely had to see each-other at least twice a week. He was definitely looking forward to the laboratory session.


	2. And so we meet again for the first time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After a long conversation where John gets to understand Sherlock, he gets his name.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter might be a bit boring, but I wanted you to know how John got to glimpse Sherlock's past. I'll be posting on a weekly basis.
> 
> I hope you enjoy it. Cheers!

**Excerpt from the diary of W.S.S. Holmes**

' _Hello brother dearest. Please don't pretend you' haven't been snooping around. YES, I HAVE BEEN WRITING IN THIS DAMNED THING. No, things are just as they were in school. The only difference is that at least right now I get to choose what I'll be attending rather than having to go to stupid boring lessons with lesser minds. There's nothing to worry about, I won't be having a relapse in the foreseeable future. Students are a bit more sensible and at least avoid me completely. Still, it is too early to determine if any problems are to arise as yesterday was my first day, and just because you took the chance to read what I write, I'll let you know that today was very much the same as it was just the second day. Are you content with the report of how my day went? Please do piss off and mind your own business._ '

* * *

 

It didn’t take Sherlock longer than he expected to see again the rugby captain. He knew they would undoubtedly meet at the lab on Friday, but hadn't considered the older student to have several more pending subjects. He met him again on Tuesday at his second period.

He hadn’t been paying attention to the room, just as yesterday he was a mere ghost among them. Just as yesterday, the rest of the students avoided him like one would avoid a nasty disease. He was used to be treated like a pariah, it shouldn’t bother him, but the fact was that it did. One of the main reasons why he had decided to begin his degree, had been the hope that someone would at least talk to him.

‘Hey there!’ Came a cheerful greeting from his left, turning he saw the rugby captain. He couldn’t avoid noticing that he wasn’t wearing the team uniform like yesterday, his second thought was that his jumper was hideous. Better avoid the topic. Looking behind him, just to be sure there was no one else, he turned to answer, but John beat him to it. ‘Yes, I’m talking to you. I never got your name.’

‘That’s because I didn’t give it to you.’ The words were out in the open so fast, that he couldn’t avoid feeling bad for mustering them that fast. ‘Sorry. Old habits.’

At his bashful expression, John could no nothing more but smile. Everyone has their own reasons to do things.

Sherlock couldn’t avoid noticing that he hadn’t lashed back. ‘Are you waiting for something? Expecting me to give you something? Do your workload through the term?’ His insecurities were chasing him. Experience told him that those who dedicated themselves to sports were likely to hunt him down. He most definitely hadn’t fled a bunch of brutes just to land in the path of another one.

John’s expression turned into one of curiosity, he began to wonder what had he endure to be like that. ‘I just… you’re not even 20. How old are you?’

This rendered Sherlock speechless. People normally saw things, but never observed. ‘You might just be earning the right to know my name.’

Perhaps John was just like him, not a proper genius considering that he was still doing his undergraduate programme to become a doctor. Although not everyone was well off economically as his family was.

‘So, I’ll just assume that you just enjoy isolation?’

‘Please. Don’t be an idiot.’ John furrowed his brow bothered by Sherlock’s comment, he immediately tried to fix his mistake by adding ‘no, don’t look like that. Practically everyone is.’

‘If this is your way to do friends, let me tell you that it’s most certainly not working.’ Said John smiling. He could see that he was trying, and failing, to connect. To reach someone that was apparently so far from his grasp, he was stranded in an island on his own. John couldn’t avoid finding him as mysterious and fascinating as the previous day. He might be just a kid, a spoiled brat at that, but his sole problem was that he was unable to make connections.

Sherlock didn’t take the comment lightly, and John could see that as clear as the day the moment he schooled his expression. He was suddenly sitting with his back straight, and had turned his whole body to the front of the room. Perhaps the conversation was over even before it had begun.

‘Look at them. They all live in their happy little worlds, and I’m left alone. Or not alone, but in the outskirts of their world. If I were to go missing they wouldn’t notice unless they wanted me to explain a topic, reveal an affair or retrieve a stolen object. I’m an outcast. They unconsciously push me out of what composes their own worlds. And now here you are. An older student that, just as me, doesn’t fill their expectations of the lessons. You just approach me because I’m available.’

John couldn’t avoid seeing the sorrow within his words. He could’ve just delivered a monotone speech that hold no meaning, but deep in his eyes John could see how faithful were his words to his mind. He was speaking out his thoughts freely without sparing him triggers, and John appreciated that.

‘Well if you’re not giving me a name I’ll just have to give you one.’ He smirked when Sherlock turned with an appalled expression, which slowly turned into something akin to murderous.

‘No! If you feel like name-calling, feel free to use the door and go back to your team captain.’

‘Well, you don’t exactly call me by mine.’

‘I have no reason to disclose my name to someone who may or may not decide to do a living hell out of my existence.’ This was it. This was his whole problem, now everything made sense in John’s mind. If he was this smart, a proper genius if he was honest, there was no way others wouldn’t pester him.

‘How old are you?’ Curiosity was taking the best of him, he wanted to help the kid that was sitting just before him.

‘Just about to turn 16.’ Answered Sherlock eyeing John suspiciously. Why was he so interested on him?

‘Bloody hell, you’re just a kid. No wonder your peers were that immature. Not that I’m that level headed, but still. I just turned 20 and I can tell you that there’s a difference in people’s attitude.’

‘People don’t change John. They just keep on moving if they see the chance.’

‘Not everyone is as dreadful as you think. You should give someone the chance. I’m not saying that you should just put blind trust on me, I’m just saying that things do change.’

‘John, I think you have an awfully positive view of humanity. I don’t have anything against you.

By now their conversation had turned into whispers, and Sherlock noticed that there were a couple of minutes left. He hadn’t even noticed the lecturer get into the room or the topic that had been discussed. Almost at the back of his mind, in a dream like haze, he could hear the professor thanking them for their attention, and thus marking the end of the class. He was glad that he was finally free, and noticed John beside him picking up his things with an amused grin.

‘The name’s Sherlock Holmes. See you on Thursday’ He announced, almost whispered, to John for him and no one else to know. He smiled and left.

* * *

 

**Excerpt from the diary of W.S.S. Holmes**

' _No, I didn’t forget to write yesterday, I just wanted to spike your interest on my things and my writing. Yesterday was dreadfully dull. Not a single interesting thing happened, except that, apparently, I ruffled someone’s feathers and got a black eye for that. So, do not fret on the topic brother mine, I’m not being hounded as it happened before. No need to tell mummy. Today was a bit better. If you must know, I think I made a friend. Or an acquaintance if you may. Still, I’m not as alone as I was._ '

* * *

 

‘So! First class and you look upset. Everything alright?’ The amount of energy and cheerfulness that John Watson had every morning was sometimes unsettling. In the short time Sherlock had known him, he had never looked upset or down about anything. Perhaps that was about to change.

The moment he raised his head and John saw his eye, his whole demeanour changed. He was suddenly the young adult he was supposed to be, rather than the carefree person Sherlock knew.

‘What happened? Who did this to you?’ His expression was angered, and now Sherlock could see why he was the rugby captain.

‘Short story, most people do not like to see the truth. It is part of human nature: avoiding the truth. It surprises me that they are even trying to achieve a degree based on research, let alone a career. Idiots the lot of them John. Definitely not worthy of our time.’

He turned his whole attention to John. He was still fuming but had somewhat relaxed. Sherlock sat straight and looked him directly in the eye. ‘There are more important matters to be addressed.’

‘Such as?’

When he answered, Sherlock smirked. He had fallen into his trap. ‘Such as tomorrow’s lab. I know that you’re not repeating the course, but I still don’t trust you enough to let you go anywhere near my experiments. You’re going to pair with me for the final project, and end with a perfect mark.’

John couldn’t help but suppress a smirk at that. ‘And how do you propose that happens? What if I have already planned who I wanted to work with?’

Sherlock left a boisterous laugh and crossed his arms. ‘I know that you have nothing planned for you aren’t talking to anyone other than me, and it is highly unlikely that you have any other classes with anyone just for the simple fact that they are in their second year, or failed. You’re about to graduate, it’s unlikely that you’d choose one of the idiots that are repeating the course as a suitable option. That, and you wouldn’t know the younger students. There is nothing attaching you to anyone but me.’

‘Damn, you sure are smart.’ Said John with an amused grin. ‘How about you hang with me and a couple of friends by lunchtime? We’re not many.’

At this Sherlock hesitated. Things always tended to go wrong when he met more people. He was fine with one person at a time, but sitting with a bunch of strangers? Given, he knew John, but would the rest like him? He was saved by the professor entering the room. Sighing, he turned to John and tried to convey the unspoken message that he would answer at the end of the class.

‘Any problem Mr. Holmes?’ His attention shifted to the front, he could see everyone’s attention on him. A quick look at what was on the board and he knew the topic, and the mistakes that were never considered but that anyone with half a brain should know.

‘Not at all.’ Everyone turned their attention to the front. The professor was about to resume his class when he interrupted him. ‘Except that…’ To Sherlock’s amusement John grinned, and the whole class groaned as he went into an hour-long debate with the professor.


	3. Getting to see the mad genius

**Excerpt from the diary of W.S.S. Holmes**

' _For the first time in what feels my entire life, I have been expecting Friday as one expects Christmas as a child. That excitement and anticipation of what is to come. Lab has always been the only thing that I could wait and stay for at school. That and the prospect of a possible new experiment had Mycroft not intervened as he much loves to do so. Yes, Mycroft! I’ll tell mummy about it, you had no right to request my materials to be inspected beforehand. Of course, I’m not daft enough to think it is safe to brew or cook drugs at a school laboratory. For starters, they lack the equipment, and second, the process would take far longer than a single session. That’s just taking into consideration the school’s limits, let’s not get into details._ '

* * *

 

‘John! I’m thrilled to see you so early in the morning when the room is still empty and the rest of the idiotic simpletons that share this space with us haven’t arrived.’ His excitement could be felt from the hallway.

‘Well aren’t you happy today? Good thing you sent me a message stating that you were expecting me half an hour earlier than usual. There’s a reason why there aren’t more students running about.’ Said John as a reply while he made his way to the lab station at the end of the room.

‘Yes, thank you for your input. So, I was thinking on getting a head start and begin an experiment or two.’ By the time he turned to John, John was eyeing warily the assortment of different chemicals, reactants, pipettes, two Bunsen burners, several flasks and 4 Petri dishes. Everything was cluttered around the table, a messy display of glass that was warily balanced on the edges.

‘Are you sure it’s just one or two? To me it looks more like 20.’

‘Don’t be dull John. My brother warned me about respecting the lab time schedules, so there wouldn’t be enough time to do that many. You can do whatever the professor is asking during the session, just let me do this side project.’

When John moved his attention from trying to sort things, and placing the equipment a safe distance from the edges, to Sherlock, he almost doubled over in laughter but knew it wouldn’t be welcomed. With his googles, riotous curls and chemical-stained lab coat, he rather looked like a mad scientist. Even the way he moved, with his bouts of energy and rapid sentences did little but complete the image in John’s mind.

‘And WHAT is so funny that you are trying so hard not to laugh?’ It was that statement and Sherlock’s look that did him. He was laughing so hard that it took him a moment to notice that Sherlock was stuffing what reactants he could into his bag.

‘No! Wait!’ He called out and grabbed him by the wrist to halt his frantic movements. It was most certainly not his intention to upset the teen. ‘I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to hurt you in any way.’

‘Thank you for clarifying that I’m a fun sight! Remove yourself from my working station, I’m busy.’ He took out again what he had thrown into his bag plus a bagged glove. His expression was now closed and reserved, John could practically see walls being built in seconds. He tried again by asking him about his experiments, it was like walking on eggshells and trying not to break them.

‘Sherlock, what are you working on?’ He eyed him warily sidewise, almost as if he was expecting scathing comments or vicious remarks. It surprised him to know so little from this boy that had taken a liking in him, and yet he knew almost everything he considered important with just a glimpse.

‘A case.’ When he didn’t elaborate any further, he tried again. It was important to keep him talking if he wanted to ease him. Or at least he hoped so.

‘A case? How come?’ At this he looked sheepish, bashful even. This gave him away that is was a “bit not good” situation.

‘I hacked into Scotland Yard…’

‘You did what?’ Sherlock only rolled his eyes.

‘Please scream it a bit louder, I would like the whole school to know about this.’

‘Sorry. Sorry, it’s just a bit not good. How did you managed to get that glove?’ Sherlock smiled at this.

‘I went into the crime scene.’ He was smiling, and John was expecting him to elaborate on the topic.

‘The crime scene? You go into crime scenes?’

‘Well yes, are you deaf? I just said I do.’ He was back to exasperated, John considered it a win. He was still moving around adding things to a brew he was doing.

‘I meant how.’ He answered in the same fashion Sherlock had. Feisty.

‘I wait for the police to leave and break in or cross the line. People don’t notice people if they look like they belong. It’s the best disguise you can ever do. Trust yourself.’

‘Yes, it still doesn’t answer how you manage this. You what? Solve the crimes for the Met and then just hope that they get the right person?’ At this Sherlock smiled.

‘That’s why I break into the files.’ He said barely above a whisper.

The room was beginning to full and John noted that there were a couple of minutes before the class started. Sherlock was beginning to hasten whatever it was that he was preparing, and stuffing a chemical or two into John’s bag.

‘Whatever are you doing now?’ He asked barely above a whisper, panic was seen through Sherlock’s eyes. For him it was a countdown for something, so much was obvious form the pleading glance he shot his way. It was more than enough to put him into action and try to help the mad genius into whatever had already been schemed in his mind.

‘Ok, you are going to hide all of these chemicals for me,’ he frowned at the request ‘oh don’t give me that look, I have just a couple of minutes to finish the process before the professor gets into the room. I’m certain that Mycroft might have already moved his pieces into position as to get everyone into shadowing my every move. They cannot, and I stress the meaning, find me with these chemicals in my possession.’

‘All right, cool. No problem. Finish that while I put everything into my sports bag. Nothing is explosive, is it?’ Sherlock’s mock laugh was enough to reassure him. Sort of. He saw Sherlock in his peripheral vision. He dabbed a swab through the gloves fingers and then sprayed some of the liquid into whatever sample he had just taken. From the expression on his face, he knew that his theories had just been proven right with the reaction.

‘I knew it! John, could you lend me your phone for a moment?’

‘Sherlock Holmes?’ The call came from the front. It made John realise that their time was up. He noticed Sherlock’s façade built up. A pleasant smile and a charming demeanour, he was surprised by how fast the change was made. ‘I would rather have you siting in one of the tables at the front. Please come forward, you and your partner if you want, but sit at the front for the rest of the term. I was also asked to check your bag, so could you open it so I can see the contents in it?’

John snatched the glove as Sherlock discreetly got a bag into his jacket. The whole room was staring at them as they made their way to the front. He could feel everyone’s curiosity, the stories beginning to build, rumours being born. This was a “bit not good”, this was something he had wanted to avoid. Thank Mycroft for his efforts on ruining his existence. Anger began to boil and course through his veins. He hated this so much.

The professor tried to do it quickly, it was obvious to everyone in the room that she preferred not to go through this. ‘I’m truly sorry about the intrusion.’ She said with a sense of finality. He could see it on her actions that she’d rather never do this at all. Go through a student’s bag at the beginning of the session right in the prejudicial sight of everyone attending. Silence was ominous, he sat on his stool rather embarrassed of the whole affair.

John could see the tension raising on his shoulders. ‘Here.’ He said passing Sherlock his phone trying to lighten his mood. He hadn’t seen him as cheerful and carefree as he had that morning prior to this. He smiled back at the offer.

‘Thank you.’ To John’s surprise he unlocked it on the first try and opened the messaging app.

‘How did you know…?’ The question died on his lips as Sherlock was, as always, a step ahead.

‘Oh please, your passcode is not exactly fortnox. Simple and easy to deduce.’

 The rest of the class ran smoothly. Sherlock was unusually quiet and John was worried about that. He tried to joke a bit with him, but it only worked for an instant of two. He practically ran from the room the moment the class ended.

Sighing, John looked down to his phone when he got a reply. Sherlock had sent a simple message stating that they should “Look though the neighbour’s trash, you should find a black glove. Test it for gunpowder, she’s the murderer.” And the reply that followed “Did you changed your phone number mr. Holmes?”


	4. The beginnings of the detective work

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sherlock gets summoned at NSY. He's excited.

**Excerpt from the diary of W.S.S. Holmes**

' _Mycroft, know that I despise you after this. Of all the available days of the week you had to choose Saturday for the group sessions, and this very same day to tell me. It is useless to listen to other people’s prattle about what they wish. Idiots the lot of them, they can’t even stand on their own. I told you that I do not have a problem and have stopped using so you could have a piece of mind and leave me alone, but no. If things don’t go the way you want them to be then things can’t get done. I don’t care if Mummy agreed to this, it’s not going to help me._ '

* * *

 

‘Hey! How was your weekend? Why the long face?’ Asked John as a greeting the moment he saw Sherlock from his own desk.

‘My brother loves to see me suffer. I had the worst weekend in my entire life because of him.’ He was clearly sulking, and aware that anyone with half a brain would be able to notice. He couldn’t care less.

‘Ever the dramatic. What did he do to annoy you?’ Sherlock crossed his arms, and his frown deepened, if possible. There was no going back on this.

‘He sent me to a counselling group session.’ This surprised John, but he was also aware that it was a sore topic.

‘So, from that message you sent. I got a couple of replies. Same Lestrade guy. Who is he?’

This seemed to cheer Sherlock a bit. It had been a while since he had been able to contact because Mycroft had blocked the number when he received a message while he was in rehab. He never knew that he kept the contact.

‘He’s a sergeant at the Met. I send him the answer to his messages when he’s out of depth in a case. I’m sure he’ll be the head of homicides one day. What did the message said? He never writes first. Must be interesting.’

John just laughed at his excitement, that’s when the class began. ‘Meet me at lunch’, added John before turning his attention to the front.

* * *

 

This was the second time he was at the cafeteria. So much people milling about, talking, playing games. It was just a tad too noisy, too much everything. His mind trying to sort through all the incoming information, the secret life of people. It was overwhelming how much could be seen, heard, smelled and touch, because people still stumbled against him as if he were a ghost.

‘Sherlock! This way!’ The moment he heard John’s voice, it was as if someone had thrown him a lifeline. He instinctually took hold of it and didn’t let go. It was easy to pinpoint from where it was coming, and easier when John raised his hand for him to follow. And while Sherlock Holmes never followed, he’d trust John any day.

‘Sorry, didn’t see you at first.’ Half a lie, but they didn’t have to know how overwhelming this was.

‘No problem mate, the place is packed! Maybe it’s a bit colder than we thought.’ Said one of them.

‘Nah, they’re just here because Captain Watson has been sitting indoors for the past couple of days. The term is just beginning and you got a new fans club!’ Everyone in the table laughed, Sherlock felt like a fish out of water.

‘Oi! Mate! You mute or something?’ Asked the guy to his left patting his back with such strength he was certain his lungs would collapse.

‘Let him be. He’s just 16.’ Everyone cheered at that. Social conventions were something Sherlock had never understood, but this was way out of his grasp on cues. John took pity on him and sat at his side. After all, he had to show him the messages.

‘So, after you left he wrote a quick message asking if you had a new number, I didn’t know what to say so didn’t reply. Just yesterday he wrote back saying that he needed your help and that he’d be glad to see you at NSY. I think this might be just up your expertise.’

Sherlock could only stare at the phone for a moment. This was what he had always wanted, to be taken seriously by the police. The thing was that now that they were summoning at NSY, he couldn’t help it but feel terrified at the idea of going there. He turned to see John smiling and encouraging him to write a quick replay and go to said meeting.

‘Oi, Watson, you scaring the poor child! Whatever did you told him?’

‘Tell.’ The whole table went quiet with the sound of his voice. ‘for starters, it’s you’re scaring, and it’s not told, the correct tense would be “tell”.’

‘Bloody hell mate! I’d thought you’d be a squeaking tadpole!’ Sherlock couldn’t help but blush at the comment.

‘Mike leave the kid alone.’ Said John laughing in amusement at Sherlock’s blush.

It was when Sherlock began to pick his things that everyone went quiet. John decided it was best let him go and follow him. The rest of the team encouraged him to.

* * *

 

Sherlock found a remote place at the top floor of the library. It was quiet and alone, and after the ruckus at the cafeteria, he could use some time to himself away from everyone. He was taking out his books when John took the sit opposite to him. It took all his willpower not to roll his eyes.

‘I’m really sorry if we made you feel out of place.’

‘Sound deduction John. Now if you could be so nice and leave me be for a moment. That would be great, thank you.’

‘No, I came to get you to go to Scotland Yard. What is keeping you from answering Lestrade?’

‘The fact that he might not listen to me the moment he sees me!’ came Sherlock’s answer. He was almost screaming. ‘Sorry.’

He lowered his sight to his books and pretended to read whatever was written. John wasn’t fooled, he had seen the way in which his mind found the connections, and Sherlock had been writing to the man for a while. There was no way he wouldn’t allow Sherlock to continue after seeing him.

‘I’ll go with you. If your age, or your looks are indeed a problem, you can always say that I’m you and direct me through things. We could probably work a system if it was necessary.’

Sherlock turned to John and looked for any sign of deception. He wanted to be sure that he was all in on this and wouldn’t let him down. He made up his mind. ‘Ok fine, just write that we’ll go after classes. I can’t miss a class.’

‘Seriously? You’re a super genius that keeps correcting teachers and students and you still go to the lessons?’ Sherlock was about to berate him about it when he noticed John’s mischievous grin.

‘Yes, it’s part of my agreement with my brother.’ He childishly stuck out his tongue, and John couldn’t avoid giggling as he passed Sherlock the phone for him to see the message.

* * *

 

They walked all the way to Broadway road and to NSY. Sherlock was so nervous that John had to divert his attention to people by asking him what he could deduce. When they arrived, they were surprised to know that Lestrade was already waiting for them.

‘Lestrade, Watson and Holmes, pleasure to finally meet you in person.’ Said Sherlock as a greeting. He left John’s name first for him to ponder on who was who, and perhaps correct him later. It was the evident confusion in Lestrade’s face that made him wonder if the whole situation was all right.

‘I must ask who are you.’ Queried Lestrade as calm and quiet as possible as to avoid attracting others attention. It took Sherlock a moment to understand just what was the real problem. His message had been addressed to Mr. Holmes, so he must have checked at some point who was the owner of his brother’s mobile phone. He was expecting either his father or Mycroft as he didn’t care to keep tabs on what went down with the money.

‘Allow me to clear all the misunderstandings. It never occurred to me that you would ask a proper meeting, so I sent you all the messages through my brother’s phone rather than using mine. Last Friday I asked my friend John Watson to lend me his phone to send you the message. I suppose you didn’t ran the number through the system because it followed the same structure and pattern as the past messages.’ He had his hands behind his back to avoid showing how nervous he was. It didn’t escape John’s notice.

‘You’ve got to be pulling my leg.’ Said Lestrade a bit over his breath.

‘That I’m what? I’m just standing here with my hands behind my back! How could -‘

‘No, Sherlock, calm down. It’s not literal, he just can’t believe it.’

‘Are you his handler or something?’

‘Seriously? Of all the smart-questions you could’ve made you asked if he’s my “handler”? No wonder the NSY needs my tips.’ He was grinning like a satisfied cat. Perhaps this all would be easier if he showed what he can do. ‘You have recently joined the NSY, have a girlfriend who opposed to you getting into the force, but someone in your family was a police too, probably one of your parents, your father most likely, but who am I to judge. You are planning to propose to her going by the box on your desk, yes, I noticed which one is your desk through the process of elimination. People have come and go since the moment we stepped in and, even though you were already waiting for us, there’s one place in view that hasn’t been approached. That and the obvious plate. Is that enough for you? I could keep going all day.’

Lestrade was speechless. ‘brilliant’

‘Oh, it’s all meretricious.’

‘Ok, I’ll admit that’s information hard to find. I’ll give you a small cold case before I’m sure I can get you into the case. To be quite honest I wanted to meet you to be sure that I can trust you with crime scenes.’

Sherlock couldn’t believe it. He had been trying to get the attention of the police, and just now after ten years someone was willing to listen to him. He was excited. Over the moon. When they left NSY and saw the time, he couldn’t help it but ask John to go home with him. He had never had a friend, perhaps it was time he met Mycroft so that he would leave him alone.


	5. End of a term and the beginning of a good year

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John spends New Year's Eve with the Holmes in London. Yes Mycroft is still young and inexperienced yet to become the British Government so he must do the office guard as I did. That means no leaving the city and being at the office early on the 02/01/2017 first thing to answer the phone calls and emails that will never arrive because everyone important is on holidays. Sorry Mycroft.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, sorry that this chapter is a bit confusing. I tried to summarise the whole term in a couple of lines. I also wanted soome information to come through. It's kind of my holidays special. I hope you enjoy it.

**Excerpt from the diary of W.S.S. Holmes**

' _It’s been a bit over three months since we met with Lestrade for the first time, and I am yet to be allowed at a crime scene. He always has something to say just to keep me from assisting them, and has only given me a couple of cold cases as to “keep me entertained.” He sees me only as a defenceless child that will withdraw his guts at the sight of a corpse. John has been aiding me this couple of months and I earned him the highest mark in chemistry thanks to my project. Mycroft has finally stepped down on torturing me with the group sessions and took me out of the program while threatening that a relapse will not be acceptable, and that I should be at the tutoring programme next term. Tedious, as if having to sit through useless lectures wasn’t punishment enough._ '

* * *

 

John has been a constant in Sherlock’s life like only his parents have been. He’s glad that even after a couple of months, he was still with him even in his crazy ideas. Mycroft had been sceptical at the beginning, so much he had warned John after he had screamed ’10 Temple street!’ to the taxi driver. He was excited to finally have someone to present as his friend.

‘You have a house in London?’ Was everything John could muster after having crossed Vauxhall bridge and entering a residential area.

‘Nah, Mycroft rents it. He’s my older brother in case I had never mentioned.’

Sherlock couldn’t avoid but ponder that things could’ve gone better. Having turned off his mobile after they left school he was none the wiser that Mycroft had been frantically looking for him. So far, he had left his job early, went to the campus, and back home while calling their parents to tell them that he couldn’t find Sherlock. When they arrived the first thing they saw was a worried 23-year-old worried, and that worry turn into anger when he laid his sight on him.

* * *

 

He was woken up by sound, it took him a moment to realise it was his mobile, and that the sound indicated that someone was calling him. When realisation sunk, he stumbled out of bed trying to catch whoever was calling so late. Seeing ‘Sherlock’ written across the screen sent a chill down his back; he never calls.

‘Sherlock? What is it? Are you o.k.? Please tell me you didn’t go chasing down the diamonds burglar.’

‘John, I’m bored. Lestrade won’t even let me into cold cases.’ Typical Sherlock to call in the middle of the night just to demand some entertainment.

‘You know it will take him a while to let you back on the cases, don’t you? Especially after you chased away his girlfriend.’ Said John as an explanation to his current situation.

‘Well, it is certainly not my fault that he couldn’t notice that she had just had sex with another man. I saved him the pain of going through the whole ordeal of planning a wedding and then filing a divorce just because your wife decided that she’d rather have him all day home. He still can get the money he spent back.’

‘It wasn’t a nice thing to do. You sent her away crying and broke his illusions of a life with her.’ Sherlock could practically see John rolling his eyes. He was just so clueless to social cues and so straightforward in the way he delivered his deductions, that people thought him heartless. If only they knew.

‘Yes, well, how was I supposed to know it wasn’t the right time or the right way? She was there, the evidence was obvious and, if anything, by leaving she gave away her guilt. I thought it was better to save him future misery. Isn’t that what friends do?’

John sighed, it was going to be a long night trying to explain him how times worked, and tact. ‘Sherlock, you know I’m going tomorrow to see my family.’

‘But you promised to spend New Year’s eve with us! My parents are coming tomorrow.’ He could practically see Sherlock standing from his sit by the window in his demand. Anxiety was evident in his voice, he hated having his plans changed. He couldn’t avoid a small chuckle at the image of a distressed Sherlock. How could people not like him?

‘Don’t worry, I’ll be I there, it’s just Tuesday and my mother wanted to see me. It’s just an hour away, I’ll be back on time, I really can’t be long with my family.’ Sherlock was so silent that he had to check his mobile just to reassure himself that the call hadn’t been disconnected. ‘Sherlock?’

‘I’m sorry that your family doesn’t know how to appreciate you.’ Said Sherlock after a moment’s hesitation. He knew that his father was a heavy drinker and that his mother blamed her problems on him leaving for medical school. He never spoke about his sibling, he supposed brother because the signs that he had taken after their father were apparent. Women have always been less likely to fall into the addiction and fake warmth of alcohol. John avoided drinking if possible, but the way in which he regarded some of his friends when they were drinking spoke of a sibling’s worry.

‘It’s o.k. Sherlock, you have no idea how grateful that you are inviting me with your family.’

‘You know you are most welcome. Anyone that passes Mycroft scrutiny and is able to see him in amicable terms is welcome, and worthy, for my parents. They really trust Mycroft’s judge of character.’

‘Thanks. You don’t give your brother enough credit. He cares deeply for you. See you on Saturday Sherlock.’

‘Have a nice trip John. You know that you can message me all day long if needed.’

* * *

 

Saturday couldn’t come fast enough, but when it did Sherlock was perched in his room window waiting for John. He couldn’t care less about things needing to be ready or food. Even his parents had tried to encourage him to play the violin instead of just sitting by his room’s window with the lights off. That is until he saw John walking down the street, he opened the door before he could ring the bell.

‘Hey Sherlock! How’s it been?’

Sherlock’s smiles, his real smiles, were almost non-existent, it took a lot to actually make him smile, but for John, he could always smile for him. ‘So nice of you to finally show up! Come in, Mummy will be most pleased to finally meet you. She’s excited that I finally have a friend.’

John smiled, Sherlock was always either a whirlwind of energy, or a lazy cat and nothing could do anything to move him. As he expected, his parents were warm and caring. They took great interest in the fact that his youngest son had finally managed to make a friend; so much that he decided to tell them about Sherlock sitting with the rugby team and how he had tagged along after one or two games.

‘You, John Watson, amaze me. I had never seen Sherlock willingly go to crowded or noisy places.’

‘Well, games don’t end late. He goes with us and leaves when the pub turns into too much of everything. Still, the team enjoy his company and his wit. He’s smarter than all of them and he’s about 4 years younger!’ They all laughed good before proposing a toast and welcoming the new year with light and happy company.

Sherlock was happy. Everyone could see it when they retired for the night. Getting ready the lilo in Sherlock’s room, their parents where in the guestroom, they joked for a bit before surrendering tired. ‘Thank you for being my friend John.’

John couldn’t avoid but smile at him. ‘Come on, you’re brilliant. It’s amazing being so close to you… there’s always something to do or see. If people could just see the world as you do.’

Wishful thinking. They asleep shortly after.


	6. Into tutoring sessions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As things progress, Mycroft allows Sherlock to drop out of the group therapies with the condition that he should enroll into the tutoring programmes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay and any confusions this chapter might bring. I changed how he met Molly deleting it from a past chapter.

**Excerpt from the diary of W.S.S. Holmes**

' _Mycroft decided that torture would be more effective than the group therapies. I can’t decide which one is worse: going through pointless sessions with other idiots that are just wallowing about their sorry excuse of existence; or tutoring a mindless dull mind that’s unable to grasp common knowledge from skimming through books. Both are equally hideous and terrible in every sense, although dealing with one rather than several is preferable. The problem is that I don’t get to decide who’s going to be the restless mind that will fall on my care._ '

* * *

 

‘No. No! I don’t know how many times I’ll have to repeat myself but no! Are you even aware of the brain that’s supposed to sit within your skull? How were you even able to pass primary school, when I understand that history is a main subject you must take. What are you even doing?’ It was a relieve when John arrived and entered the room confused as to why was there a woman in the house? Relief was immediately obvious in his features and just as fast he went into one of his rants ‘John! Thank you for coming, I hope you weren’t busy. I need your social skills. Make her understand! You read slow and yet read faster than her!’

‘Sherlock, what’s going on? Sorry John Watson.’ Curiosity was evident in his face and he could see her obvious infatuation with Sherlock. Stammering a bit out of shyness and her admiration at the genius was her problem.

‘Sorry, Molly Hooper.’ Came her answer with a smile.

‘Yes, and she can’t read an article under 4 hours! Do you have a sight impairment or something? How can it take you so long to read it?’ His exasperation was escalating and John could see the oncoming explosion that was about to happen unless he intervened in some way.

‘You. Calm down, you will not speak…’

‘But John!’

‘Shut up Sherlock. It’s just for a moment.’ He stared pointedly at him daring him to say something else. When Sherlock just crossed his arms, and scowled at the ground John knew he had won. ‘So, how long is the article?’

’35 pages long. And I don’t understand the analysis question regarding the topic.’ She was sitting a bit more confident without Sherlock’s comments, John could see the words about to spill from his awkward position.

‘Not a problem, I had the same problems. Let me take a look at it, for all the things Sherlock knows social skills are most definitely not his strong suit.’

‘Oi! I’m right here standing behind you! It’s not my fault that she decided to take a completely useless topic in social sciences when she wants to go into medical school, although you have to work up some character or they’ll eat you alive, I’d advise you to be a pathologist so you don’t have to manage and interact with the living.’

‘Sherlock just shut up.’ With that he sat back down and John turned to see a flustered Molly.

‘How do you know all that?’ Panic rising, and Sherlock about to describe his deductions couldn’t possibly end well. As soon as Sherlock smirked, John knew he had to keep him from talking.

‘No Sherlock, you are to remain quiet or I’ll call Mycroft. You might not be missing classes but the school needs to know why we had 4 different professors the first 2 weeks of the term.’

‘Oh! You’re no fun John Watson!’ He stood up and went to the kitchen, John was surprised at how easy he left the topic.

‘Well, that was certainly weird. Back to you, don’t let him get into your head and mess with what he sees in you. He will always take advantage of that.’

‘I’m not deaf! Stop talking about me and get her to read the article. It should take her a couple of minutes.’ Came the reply from the kitchen. When John turned around to face him, Sherlock was coming back with a couple of fizzy drinks and a pack of Mycroft’s biscuits.

‘We’re not supposed to know about those.’

‘I know, but he got me into this so he deserves to have no biscuits for tonight.’

‘Were do I get into the whole picture?’

‘I think he just wanted you to deal with me. Before you arrived, he was a bit more than exasperated and left me here to read.’

‘How did you ended up here?’

‘He enrolled into the tutoring programmes, they do the pairings at random but, apparently, they just don’t consider the areas in which students excel. I just got into this topic because I thought it was easy, and was assigned to the most anti-social tutor of all the possible students enrolled in the program. What am I supposed to do?’

Molly could see the tension coming from Sherlock. It was obviously not his strong topic, and being unable to work around the task was causing him anxiety. Being unable to predict how society worked instantly ruled out Sherlock as a tutor for social sciences that were analysing the impacts and causes of situations. She understood that in his mind wars were nothing but a nuisance, and a problem that could be avoided if people “just observe what is so obvious as to avoid situations.”

After the short interaction that she had witnessed between John and Sherlock, she was certain that he was way out of his comfort zone. He hadn’t chosen her while he had the chance to choose John. Realisation hit her, that his exasperation came from the fact that she was a trespasser in his mind; while he wasn’t conscious of this decision, she acknowledged that their introduction was forced and strained making their acquaintance a dull point of existence. She was an outsider and an intruder to his mind.

‘Please don’t try to analyse me or I’ll ask you to leave.’ The comment broke into her train of thought bringing it to a halt and jostling her out of her mind.

‘Sorry.’ She replied sheepishly after realising that she had zoned out. ‘I don’t think you should keep being my tutor I’ll ask for a change.’

‘No! Please don’t, I can help you with chemistry, biochemistry, and physics. John can come and help you with the rest. The thing is that I need this instead of the other option, which is rather awful if you think about it.’

She just smiled. She knew she’d follow even if her only chance was with him was as a friend.


	7. Reality check

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sherlock realises that he loves John with Molly's help. This is the beginning of everything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone, I've underestimated my school load and have been unable to upload. Sorry for that. I'll be trying to keep up with my weekly uploads so as to keep the story moving. I wanted to do it parallel to this time, but I've messed up my own timeline. Things will be explained a bit later, I mentioned a case, but won't be giving out more. Hope you like it!

**Excerpt from the diary of W.S.S. Holmes**

' _Molly turned fast into a friend and later into my confidante, I suppose that spending an hour everyday does that. Things are fine, and I write here because, apparently, I’m still required to keep people updated of what I want to do, or think. Mycroft decided to conveniently forget that I had to keep updating this until yesterday, and my therapist was amused by the discussion that followed promptly._ '

* * *

 

‘No wonder you decided not to show up at school after such an awful weekend. After knowing you both, there’s no question in that Mycroft did it on purpose.’ Said John as soon as Sherlock told him about his weekend. There was a moment when he regretted asking, as he’d rather keep the distance between both brothers and their ongoing war, but knew that Sherlock needed someone to rant his problems.

‘Well of course he had it already planned! Mycroft never does anything without a purpose. Perhaps he wanted to know if I had indeed stopped completely and could be left alone, but I can’t do anything until I turn 18… John! We have to live together!’

He was exasperated and prone to escalations. He surely knew that John still lived at one of the dorms. There was no way he could take him in even if he tried. He shook his head in amusement and turned to address Sherlock’s erratic energy. ‘Ok mate, you do remember that I have a student’s accommodation, don’t you? I can’t just take you in in a whim. It’s not my decision to take.’

‘Well just lend me your name and I’ll pay the rent.’ Said Sherlock while sitting down. John could see a sulk coming but decided to ignore it for a moment.

‘Don’t get mad, we’re halfway through the term, perhaps you can apply for the next term?’

‘And live somewhere surrounded by idiots? No, thank you, I’d rather have a flat. Come with me to see flats on Friday!’

‘Sorry, I’ve got a date.’ John was nervous about Sherlock’s reaction to him having a night out with someone that wasn’t him. He was so possessive sometimes, that he wasn’t sure what his reactions would be.

‘A date? Since when do you have a date?’ His nose was scrunched in his obvious distaste. How could John manage to get someone without him knowing about it? How did he missed it?

Up to this point, Sherlock had regarded John as a fixed point in his life. Yes, he was planning on being deployed, but he still had a couple of months left. He had even planned for the time he was away, he was going to stay sober for him. This was unexpected and hit Sherlock with the realisation that people were not an extension of him. He could predict movements but not completely as human nature tends to be somewhat erratic, and this most certainly classifies as human nature.

He felt betrayed.

‘Well, we met thanks to Lestrade’s case. She was one of the witnesses, she was the woman that had all the documents ready to show you to confirm her suspicions about the murderer.’

Sherlock’s mind was working constantly, he remembered being suspicious of her. No one else saw that it made no sense for someone to be so prepared if she was not the murderer, or even to know who it was really. She had appeared at the police line and asked to talk to someone.

‘Fine, you go out with her. I still must see Molly in the afternoon as she keeps having issues. I don’t know why she even enrolled in the course if she can’t do the things that are asked, or understand what is being said.’

‘Come on Sherlock, don’t take it off on her. I know you’re angry at me for not being there when you want me for whatever it is you planned to do after tutoring.’

Sherlock decided to end the conversation by paying attention to what was being said by the lecturer. It was a sight John hoped to never see again.

* * *

 

**Excerpt from the diary of W.S.S. Holmes**

‘ _John’s an idiot. I thought he understood me, but turns out he’s just as everyone else. Mycroft decided to be his annoying self and told me that I should let people build lives around me. How different can that be from what things are? Or is it something I don’t understand?_ ’

* * *

 

‘Is John not coming?’ Sherlock moved from his position by the window. He hadn’t noticed that he had moved there in the first place.

‘No, he’s being more than an idiot.’

Molly just smiled, she already knew him so well even though their friendship was a couple of months old. He couldn’t understand what was it that made him trust her, maybe he would never really know. She was still here, and she was mildly able to do stuff and keep up with his brain. This could work.

‘I think you just love him.’ Sherlock turned to her and regarded her with an icy look.

‘What did you just say?’ His voice so deep and cold that made Molly shiver in fear as his expression turned into something collected and cold. She had never seen him like that, all his barriers and defences were up.

‘I just observed and stated the obvious. That’s what you always tell John, at least. To observe and gather all the pieces of information available at the moment... I’ve seen how you look at him, and your interactions. You have this tender look when you’re with him that is exclusive for him, I’ve never seen you look someone else like that, you regard me the same way you do Mycroft; your touch is also different, hesitant, as if you were afraid it would be the wrong thing to do even if you’re just passing him something; and there are other small actions that make Mycroft and me appear to be a second level in your affections while John is the centre of your life.’

Sherlock was speechless. He hadn’t noticed the way in which things had changed between them, and she could see it. Was he so transparent that even Molly Hooper could see it even though he himself was unaware? ‘How have I been so blind?’

‘Don’t worry, it’s not noticeable, I’m just used to be unseen. It helps to see what no one else can. It helped me understand why we could never be together.’

His mind was reeling as she spoke. Reality downed on him, he needed time to properly file that information. Harsh times, harsh decisions or something.

‘Do you want to infiltrate the NSY? There’s a file I need for a case.’ Because a case was going to keep his thoughts at bay for a while before he could retreat to his mind palace. Molly wold do, he could distract Lestrade while she just grabbed the file.


	8. Happiness awaits for you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sherlock is kept out of a case, he is expecting John to leave him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First thing first: I have a purpose with this, I feel like the past chapter and this one might feel a bit stand alone but they do serve a purpose that is about to be made obvious.  
> Second: Sorry for the late update, I'm drowning in schoolwork. I'll try to get a second update this Friday to get back on track with my scheduled updates supposedly to be every Monday, yes today I'm on time although I'm a week behind. it happens.

**Excerpt from the diary of W.S.S. Holmes**  

' _Lestrade finally decided to get me into one of the crime scenes. He caught Molly and called John to deal with us, I’m rather glad that he didn’t choose to call Mycroft for this. I promised not to get into more troubles, John called it an impossible task for me as if I was unable to fend for myself, and John was angry that we got him away from his date. Apparently whatever Lestrade told him sounded a bit not good and made him think that we had done something bad. Still, the crime scene was interesting, but the best part was that the murderer was just sitting there besides the body waiting for us. I’m bored._ '

* * *

 

‘Mycroft! Why are you meddling into my affairs? I demand to be let alone and be able to live my life as I see fit!’

John could only roll his eyes at Sherlock’s shenanigans. From the very moment Mycroft stood before Lestrade to be briefed about what was going on, to the exact moment when the both of them decided that Sherlock shouldn’t be involved, John knew he was going to throw a tantrum. He was that transparent when Mycroft was involved.

‘Sherlock, I really think you should leave the whole business to them right now. Who knows what is going on.’

‘What is going on is that he didn’t commit the past three murders. He’s far taller than the assailant, if it was him he should be at least your size. You are letting the situation muck your thinking and observation skills!’ He turned to Mycroft towards the end, that statement was clearly thrown at his in a despective manner as he often reminds John of his inability to see things as clear as he did. Both went silent for a moment, Sherlock was still fuming and his exasperation was as tangible as ever.

‘Be relieved that I’ll take that into consideration brother dear, but do consider that I did promised both our parents that I’d keep you safe and away from danger. I think this qualifies within that scope so I will keep you away from the whole investigation.’ John turned to Sherlock and placed a hand in his shoulder as if to anchor him in the moment, and avoid him jumping into Mycroft and punching him in the face. ‘However,’ added Mycroft immediately sensing what his brother was about to do, ‘I will keep you informed of what is going on through the investigation, and will bring you pieces of information at least once every week. I will talk to Lestrade about this, and you are not to investigate without someone of the police force by your side. Am I clear?’

Sherlock shook visibly in his place, it was obvious that he wanted to make a counterproposal but Mycroft’s tone left clear that there was no room for discussion. Either things proceed his way, or Sherlock was out of the investigation. John was surprised that he remained quiet even after Mycroft left the room. He was almost surprised when he spoke again.

‘You know you can leave, right? It’s not mandatory for you to stay when there’s nothing to stay for. I know about your date tonight, you are constantly checking your phone. You should just leave.’ He was closing himself to the rest of the world. It wasn’t the first time, and he was certain that it wouldn’t be the last time. ‘I mean, it’s Saturday, after all. Everyone likes to go out and have some fun. You should, rather than stick with me babysitting.’

‘Come on Sherlock, that’s not fair, you’re my friend. It’s not as if I don’t enjoy our small adventures and the stakeouts with Lestrade. It’s the most fun I’ve had in a while. I was completely engrossed in my studies forgetting to live a bit.’

The look Sherlock gave him meant the world to John in that moment. He could see the pain written across Sherlock’s face and was surprised by how unguarded his expression was. It was as if he was seeing him for the very first time. He couldn’t properly understand his afflictions but in that moment, he knew his friend needed him even though he was not voicing it, or making any notion to show it.

‘I’ll call Mary, I think we could do with a night in and some Chinese. Cheer up mate! I’m sure that at some point they’ll come crawling for your expertise. After all, who better than you to notice everything they miss?’ John was smiling at him and Sherlock could feel his heart beating so fast that for a moment he thought it was about to burst out of his chest.

How come someone be so oblivious to other’s affection? Molly had been observant, and smart, enough to notice and piece together the puzzle that was unknown and foreign to him. He had John, but to him he was nothing more but a “mate” which apparently, it meant friend to him. In fact, he was his best mate, cursed to stand at the back and observe how he smiled and laughed with her. Women loved John, and now one had been enough something to catch his attention and ask her to be his. John who was unaware that by now he was an extension of Sherlock, just as he saw his family members even though he dreaded to admit it. He was Sherlock’s and he was lenient to share him of let him go.

And yet, he stood bravely by him when he properly introduced him to Mary, because for Sherlock it was the other way but his mind revelled when forced to meet people. He also sat beside him and listened him talk endlessly about her and what they did at a date, or what they said through messages. He hated his situation, but he’d rather have a part of John’s affections than lose him completely.


	9. And so it began

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sherlock keeps on with the investigation even though Mycroft told him not to. John is angry at him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay! Here's a new chapter, next update either Monday night or Tuesday morning. Cheers!

**Excerpt from the diary of W.S.S. Holmes**

' _I’m rather angry at the entire universe right now. Last week I was kept out of a case by my brother, and just today things began to make sense. John is angry at me because I jumped into the Thames. Everyone thinks I attempted suicide even though it is almost impossible to die from Waterloo Bridge, the fall is not that long unless you either don’t know how to fall or get hypothermia._ '

* * *

 

‘What were you thinking you prick? You could’ve died!’ Sherlock just kept staring at the ground, his decision to call John rather than Mycroft now seems like a bad idea, and a decision he will never again take in the future. He could practically hear his brother’s voice whispering to his ear “caring is not an advantage.”

‘Well, I’m not, isn’t it enough that I had to go through hell just to be here again? They had to take me out of the Thames, I’d appreciate it if you didn’t abuse by eardrums with your sense of duty.’ He tried to remain calm, but as of now he had no idea how John would react to what was going on. It was becoming obvious to him that John would have to be kept in the dark for now. Ignorance is a bliss, isn’t it?

‘Sorry guys,’ said Lestrade as he approached them hanging up his mobile, ‘Mycroft is on his way to meet you at the hospital, they want to make sure you are not on drugs.’

John could see Sherlock’s barriers come up as soon as the words were spoken. His usually warm eyes now regarded him and Lestrade cold and calculating. He was no longer the energetic teenager they knew, but a person capable of seeing your darkest secrets and turning your past demons against you. For the first time since I met Sherlock, I was afraid of him. I could see that Lestrade wasn’t any better than me.

‘Fine, I guess I’ll meet you there.’

* * *

 

‘Hello brother dear, I know they think you tried to commit suicide, but to me it is transparent that you kept on investigating on your own contrary to what we told you to do. We’re not trying to thwart your attempts to keep on investigating, we want to keep you safe.’

Sherlock knew there was no going back, Mycroft would know immediately if he even dared to lie about what was going on. He had no other choice but to be honest.

‘I met a woman, and before you say anything, she is involved in all of this. The police have the wrong guy because they need him inside. I don’t know why, but he is needed in prison for everything to work.’ He could see that this had gotten Mycroft’s attention, with him and the government things would move smoothly.

‘Tell me what you know, and who this woman is. What’s her link to everything that’s going on?’ Mycroft made himself as comfortable as possible in the plastic chair, and Sherlock took a deep breath before he could begin. This was all putting him on edge.

‘It began a few days after the police took Moran under custody. She was waiting for me by the school. She’s been spying for a while, or knows someone within the rugby team, because John had a date so he wasn’t with me as I left. She approached me casually, her name’s Irene Adler and let me tell you that I hadn’t met a woman as cleaver as she is. Her cunning is not just at par with ours, but she has this way to weave her way through things.’ He turned to Mycroft and his expression could only be described as “exasperated,” he could practically listen him urging him to get to the point of the whole conversation.

‘We met a couple of times, I wanted to make sure that what she was about to tell me was real, and I needed time to study her.’

‘Seriously brother, just tell me that you have a thing for the woman’

‘Oh! Come on Mycroft, it’s not remotely close to that. In fact, I’ll have you know that in such case you haven’t noticed, I’m gay.’ Sherlock noted his voice rising and composed himself back to how they were at the beginning.

‘So, it is true. You and our dear soon to be doctor.’ His smug smile told Sherlock that he had been baited. He fell into his brother’s trap.

‘No, he is dating this blond woman…’

‘Miss Mary Morstan, as I know you don’t pay attention to names.’

‘Yes her! The thing is. The police is assuming that the murderer was a man because of how gruesome they are, and the man in custody just falls perfectly into the entire scheme. Well, the woman told me that she would take me to the actual murderer. She told me that she wanted out from the whole business and that for her to be able to find an exit, the police must take the murderer out.

We agreed to meet at the station, as it is somewhat easy to get out of track in within the underground network at rush hours, and from there we walked to the bridge she going out from the BFI exit, and I took the National Theatre one. There was a slight difference, I was a bit behind. She met with a blond in a red coat, even from the distance her frame was familiar. I jumped because she was about to turn because Irene threw me a side glance when she noticed my distress. Any trained killer would know that meant something, I think we’ll find her corpse in a few days.’

‘Are you trying to tell me that miss Morstan is the murderer?’

‘Yes, her height fits. The only reason why someone would like to get everyone’s attention to someone else is because there’s a bigger target. I think they were all targets and someone knows the pattern’s there. The next target is likely relieved that the murderer was caught. Everything is made as to throw everyone out of the trail. We’re being lured into looking the other way. Don’t you see? This is likely of national security, and no one knows about it because no one’s really looking.’

Silence fell between them, Mycroft was pensive and Sherlock would describe his stance as defeated. They would need the woman alive so that she could testify, and he would have to try to warn someone with what little power he had. Now more than ever he had to keep Sherlock from the investigation, it was a good thing they were keeping him for the night to be released tomorrow midday.

In the end, he messaged John and asked him to stay with Sherlock. His parents would be there in the morning to take him to Sussex.


	10. Initial readings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sherlock notices that perhaps Mycroft knows more than he gives out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's mostly a conversation, and sorry if I'm getting rid of Mary this fast. Just give it a try, she'll still be here a bit.  
> Some changes have been made. John doesn't know about Mary.

**Excerpt from the diary of W.S.S. Holmes**

' _Never had I ever woken up to the sight of John beside my bed. I now realise there’s no other way I’d rather wake up for the rest of my life. I hate Mycroft for this as it was clearly planned, he never does anything without foreseeing the outcomes of all possible situations._ '

* * *

 

‘Welcome back to the land of the living. How are you feeling? Listen, I know yesterday, and quite possibly the past days as well, I’ve been letting you behind, but it’s not because I don’t enjoy your company. Quite contrary, I do miss it and your witty comments and remarks upon anything we come across.’

John was fidgeting awkwardly in his chair. Sherlock could do nothing but laugh at this and decided to put him out of his misery. ‘You don’t have to give me explanations. I understand people don’t belong to me contrary to whatever Mycroft told you about me. You have a girlfriend, and I wanted to keep on with the investigation. I found a lead and now all I have to do is piece it all together.’

He gave John a nervous half-smile when he was telling him about his findings, it took him a moment to see his mistake. He had to think quick to possible questions and how to get unscathed from the whole issue. Both, his brother and Lestrade, had strictly stated that he should not keep on investigating on his own no matter the circumstances.

‘Did you go out on your own even when they told you to be escorted at all times?’ he gave Sherlock a suspicious side-glance and fidgeted with his mobile. Sherlock could do little more than return it even though it looked more of a pained grimace. He had just stated that he understood that John had now a girlfriend and that his time was no longer entirely dedicated to Sherlock.

‘What are you trying to get to? It’s not like everyday a woman approaches you with all the missing pieces and demonstrates that you are right in everything you had expected things to follow. Now, had I not decided to follow her and gather the data, right now Lestrade’s team and Mycroft’s career would be on the line because people is just blind and unreliable seeing but unobservant. The woman decided that she wanted out so she tried to reach the only subject that was out of the grid. As of now I’m the wild card that moves unnoticed and observes from behind. At least that was how things were until the woman screwed the meeting with the assassin, I don’t expect to ever see her alive again. Best case scenario, we find her body, or pieces of it.’

He went silence, John stared wide eyed looking for all the small information Sherlock was unaware he gave with small movements. He was trying to discern if what he was saying was true of if there were fabricated or modified realities, as he often liked to stretch information in order to get answers or reactions. It was sometimes impossible to keep up with everything that was constantly going on in his mind. The moment people were just about getting and understanding an idea or concept he had already devised at least one plan of action. He found it hard to keep himself away from him, it was exciting and intriguing to see his mind move.

‘What the hell are you talking about?’ The seriousness of John’s tone told Sherlock everything he needed to know. He’d keep on as he had been going most of his life: on his own.

‘I’m telling you that you have a terrible taste in woman and that miss Morstan will have to be dismissed from your life.’ He tried to remain cold and calculated even though it felt like swallowing lead.

‘I have terrible taste? It was you who ended almost drowned and with hypothermia from jumping off a bridge.’

His eyes were defiant, Sherlock could either accept the easy way out or let John know that he was not interested in women. He remained in silent for a moment without breaking eye-contact with John. It soon turned into a battle of wits until he knew he could not do this to John Watson. He needed him out of the entire picture in order to keep him safe.

‘Addressing different points that must be addressed as soon as possible, I’ll have you know that I’m gay.’ John’s expression softened at the declaration. He couldn’t stand pity no matter from who he was getting it. ‘Second of all, what are you still doing here when I know that you have a date with Mary, I won’t die in the next couple of hours just because there was no one in my room. In fact, I don’t need you at all.’

John was hurt, he could see that pity turn into surprise and morph into anger to finally set in sadness. John was sad that he was pushing him away from him, and he couldn’t explain that it was just so that Mary wouldn’t have him as a target or collateral damage in whatever the mission was. He had to act fast if he wanted to ever get John back. It was as if he was being impaled through the heart the moment John took his eyes off Sherlock in a defeated stance. He took a deep breath and gathered whatever strength he needed for what he said next.

‘Was it Mycroft, the woman, or whoever you saw at the bridge? Who forced you to jump?’

The question was so unexpected to Sherlock that he had to take a moment to answer. John just sat there staring at the ground unable to properly look at Sherlock. He knew better, he knew that John had taken to observe Sherlock’s movements and mannerisms as to puzzle the entire story. It was his way to keep up, and catch up he did.

‘Whatever are you talking about?’ Trying to half-smile as in disbelieve, he left a nervous sigh. It didn’t go unnoticed and John turned to face him so fast that for a moment he thought he’d give himself a concussion. Sherlock new right then that he was about to hit a dead end.

‘Why did you mentioned Mary earlier?

‘Well, you did mentioned earlier that I have issues with who I keep close to myself. I can’t come to like Mary in any way, not even because she is your current partner. I know that relationships change, but I can’t come to like her, not even for you.’ He noticed too late that his hands had remained in the same position on his lap, he berated himself for that when he noticed John’s face.

‘What do you know that are not willing to tell me? Are you leaving me out of the investigation because I’m dating her?’

‘That’s an awful lot of questions you’ve got there. I’m just doing what I think will ultimately protect you from harm.’ Tried to dismiss Sherlock the topic as something inconsequential.

‘No, you always have an ulterior motive to do or say things. You always look so close into details that it’s impossible for you to get this wrong. You are leaving me out on purpose! You know the murderer, don’t you? The woman had an appointment with the murderer. Whoever you saw at the bridge was able to recognise you and you jumped as it was the fastest way out. They know you.’

Suddenly reality was more of a burden than simple existence and the pass of time. John looked troubled and Sherlock was uncertain of what to do to make it better, it was just a matter of time before the thought strikes him that maybe Sherlock needed him in the dark so that he could gather enough information. He couldn’t expose him like that, it was immediately ruled out.

‘Do you intend to keep me out of the loop? I can’t allow you to go on your own.’ He was looking down at his hands when Sherlock turned back to him. He couldn’t stand to see him so troubled.

‘Not at all. That would be just cruel without mentioning the obvious. You’re not the best actor and your moral compass is far too good. I’m afraid this peculiar trait of yours would lead to our demise. There’s also the fact that I’d never put you in that position. It’s too close and too dangerous.’

‘Well, you are the most dangerous human in the entire campus and I still hang out around you.’

‘Yeah, but it’s different.’ He knew he was practically pouring his heart at John, this was the closest he had ever been to admitting sentiments to someone else that was outside of his family. After all, perhaps Mycroft was right and he needed this, be capable to confide to John Watson. If things were to work in the next couple of months, he would need to set aside everything that was a barrier between them and work as one. They’d no longer be two separate individuals but “Sherlock Holmes and John Watson.”

For the first time, he thought that maybe Mycroft could see something else in both. But it was just, perhaps, wishful thinking on his side.


	11. The thought of losing you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things escalate rather quickly. Probably angst-y, but not to worry.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And so I update. Sorry for the delay, 4 essays to deliver and just finished 1... good to know it takes me 1 hour to write and check, the bad thing is that essays are harder than stories. I wanted to clarify that all of this takes place sometime in the 2011. It began September 2011 and we're moving on form there. Hope you enjoy...

**Excerpt from the diary of W.S.S. Holmes**

' _It has taken me an incredible amount of time to realise that time is just borrowed, we are not here for as long as we would like to, and sometimes shortening it can prove to be far more complicated than expected. I didn’t expect to live this long, and I most certainly never expected to have someone by my side even as a friend. John Watson turned out to be exceptional in everything he does, caring might not be an advantage, but it sure gives life some perspective that one wouldn’t have otherwise. I know, dear brother mine, that you often discourage this and sentiment, but what if it’s wrong and what it does is to enhance us as persons? I no longer write here for the therapists, but for my own personal management of thoughts for it’s not enough to see them within my mind palace. There are things that must be written down as to contemplate before taking a decision no matter how hard it may be._ '

* * *

 

‘Sherlock? Are you alright?’ He was sitting in Sherlock’s bed while he was staring outside contemplating the street. Weeks had gone by and the case had resumed its previous status as “ongoing with nothing happening.” Whoever was planning the whole ordeal had stopped when sensing the police and the government this close. What worried John was that they could have noticed Sherlock making him a target. Of course, Mycroft had discarded the idea as something akin to an action film or so.

‘Nothing, I’m just pondering the whole situation. It all feels unreal.’

‘Well, while you ponder on what has happened so far, wouldn’t you think it’s beneficial for your general wellbeing to step away from the window?’

‘Afraid I’ll turn someone’s target?’ Sherlock was being deliberately cruel.

John tried to keep calm to the comment. He knew that this was “Sherlock” for “I am utterly bored out of my mind and would like to have something to do but my brother is being an unreasonable prick and is keeping me off a case.” Nothing too complicated, just plain Sherlock. He giggled, Sherlock turned to face him with a mock frown in his face, a smile was already making an appearance, and he looked as young as he was.

That’s when John noticed the reflection. Without thinking he ran to push Sherlock out of the way and tripping in his haste. They barged though the window and fell from the second floor, John tried to move their bodies so that they were in the right position so that their bodies could absorb and redirect the impact. Once on the ground it took him a moment for his adrenalin to go down for him to realise that he was in pain.

‘John!’ He heard Sherlock through the hoarse sound of someone screaming.

Unable to answer back, his mind made the connection that those were his screams. Everything happened through a haze. Sherlock was pressing down on his shoulder with his whole weight, in his panic he was hurting him without realising that he was doing it. People began gathering, he could barely make out the distressed screams from the neighbours and bystanders who stopped either when the window broke or when he screamed.

Sherlock was crying. John couldn’t stop thinking that “it was worth a wound, it was worth many wounds, to know the depth of loyalty and love which lay behind that cold mask.”

As Sherlock went out of focus, and he realised that his mind was slipping from his grasp, his last thought was none other than a prayer to be able to survive. Just for Sherlock because he needed him.

* * *

 

‘Mycroft!’ Screamed he with a broken voice as he saw his brother approach him running down the hall. He had been kept out of the loop on what was going on in the surgery, and the hours ticked by only adding to his distress. ‘Mycroft! Please! Do something!’

Never had he felt so impotent to protect his baby brother. Having him in his arms wailing out in pain made his whole world crumble. He had no power to help him other than holding him in the middle of a dingy waiting room as Sherlock pours his heart to him as they waited news from the surgeons. He had been ready to call out John H. Watson on playing with his brother’s fragile sentiments, but he had never pictured that he’d had to hold Sherlock were he to lose the battle on the table.

It was a bitter thought to lose his brother to the grief of John.

They sat after a while. Sherlock taking up four sits just to have enough space to lay down using Mycroft’s legs as makeshift pillows. It was after another 3 hours that a doctor approached them.

‘Are you in for John Hamish Watson?’ They were the only ones remaining in the small room, and even then, Sherlock jumped to his feet and was listening intently to anything the doctor had so say. ‘I am to inform you that he is now stable and well.’ Sherlock’s grip on his jacket’s sleeve went from slack to steel strong. ‘However, he went down into a coma. It’s likely he’ll wake up in the next couple of days, we suspect it was due to the closeness to his heart and major arteries. We can’t be completely sure until he wakes.’

‘Can I see him?’ The doctor turned to face him sceptically, it was unlikely that they shared any kinship, and due to the extent of the wounds only direct family would be able to follow. There was no way Mycroft could beg the doctor not to voice this, as it was probably part of the rules they had to follow.

Sherlock just turned around and left without mustering a word. In his experience, this was far from good.


	12. Pain is an old friend

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sherlock is threatened in an attempt to lure him out of the investigation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry this one's a bit sad, it was fueled by angst.

**Excerpt from the diary of W.S.S. Holmes**

' _It has been close to a month since the las time I last saw John well and awake. Apparently, the bullet he took had some sort of potion and ultimately complicated his overall health, and doctors have been baffled as to how to treat him. It pains me to think that this might be the last moments of my beloved John Hamish Watson, even though he hates his middle name. A romance that was never allowed to flourish and grow, it’ll pain me immensely if I never get to tell him how much I love him. He’s been many firsts, my best friend, and love interest, although I’d love to have other firsts with him. I sincerely hope that health finds its way, and that the doctors manage to get him back from his fever induced coma._ '

* * *

 

‘Sherlock? Are you alright?’ He was sitting in Sherlock’s bed while he was staring outside. It felt like a _déjà vu_ as he was in a similar position when the sniper took the shot. The sound of the shattering glass echoed in his mind, and he closed his eyes trying to compose himself before answering his brother.

‘No, I don’t think I’m fine.’

The answer came barely above a whisper and his brother saw his pained expression before he could speak up even though it was a feeble attempt to communicate. He could see his baby brother as the child he was, a boy trying to understand a world that has been unable to stop for him to catch up in a society that moves far too slow to keep up with his brain. This was the small boy that would cry in crowded places and hide behind him when there was a loud unknown noise. It was close to a torture to see his brother so closed off after years of hard work and being home-schooled. He could still see echoes of that awkward boy that tried to fit yet never truly understood how to act.

‘I don’t think you know what “being fine” means after being so close to someone. I’m sorry it took me a couple of days before you could be allowed into the room without being family.’

‘No worries about that, we knew it would be hard. Funny that now even the nurses agree with me being here rather than his family. Has Mary been here?’ The thought had occurred to him that she’d be interested in making an appearance if she was indeed involved.

‘As expected she has. I was unaware that she knew about your involvement with the Met, but the situation has been corrected. She’s under almost constant surveillance now. I get updates of her every move. We don’t know who she works for, but the corpses have been identified. Let’s just say that the situation is taking a rather ghastly direction.’ He was inspecting his nails as he said this, Sherlock recognised his nervousness from the action. Things where worse than what he thought.

‘Will she be able to see John? His family did give me permission after all. Has she got any clearance? Do they know they were dating?’ Questions were fired as soon as they appeared in his mind, Mycroft could see how he was getting anxious as his brain supplied every possible scenario. There was still a possibility that she thought Sherlock had passed on the information as of who was the murderer.

‘Calm down brother mine. Remember that anxiety leads to irrationality. That’s beneath us.’ Hi eyes were once more on Sherlock as he tried to convey the message even though he knew his brother would not look at anything but John. He was constantly gathering information, from his hand, the monitors and whatever expression might cross his face. He had never seen Sherlock connect in such a deep level with someone else, not even their relationship had been as deep as it was with John. He felt like intruding the moment.

The calm and sorrowful atmosphere was broken by a moan. Both froze.

‘It’s the Woman!’ Said Sherlock as an answer to Mycroft’s silent question. It was a text message and it only read: “Don’t listen to anything they say.” Even Mycroft was confused and he was an expert at being cryptic.

That’s when his phone rang with an incoming call, and he took a deep breath before answering. One could say that Sherlock Holmes has no fears and go unchallenged through life believing the statement to be truth. The reality is very different as he has a deep hate for phone calls, being a private number makes it worse, and he says “hate” to avoid saying that he is petrified whenever he must make a call. When he picked, his panic rose as he heard a very familiar voice on the other end.

‘ _I do hope this serves as a lesson. Don’t meddle in adult’s stuff.’_

‘You say adult but I’m certain you’re only a couple of years older than me. How much are you getting for getting rid of a couple of accountants? I’m sure that they weren’t aware that whatever job they were doing was part of a criminal network. I also hope you were able to study for tomorrow's exam.’

‘ _You little pest! Was almost losing Watson not enough for you freak? You’re an addict! The only thing that worries you is the possibility of not getting your daily fix. Stop being a sod and admit things to yourself! You’ve been lying to everyone about being fine, you’re far from fine, in fact, I don’t think you realise how bad you are._ ’

Silence followed, he could practically see the smile on her lips painted a deep cherry as she loved that colour. Mycroft was watching him, observing his every reaction and sitting so still as to not move the air or else she’d be aware of his presence. He was pale in anger, for a moment he thought he resembled the marble statues that were on display at the British Museum, his orange hair and clothes being an obvious difference.

A heartbeat stretched into a year. He just wanted the call to be over. It was one thing to hate yourself, loath directed to nothing but yourself, and the other is having an outsider tell you how much you should loath yourself. Now, Sherlock’s greatest fears were forcefully thrusted in his direction and he was unable to move. After all, she was right. John had been shot because he was an extension of his being, Molly failed a subject because he was a terrible tutor, Mycroft was trapped with him because of blood, and his parents were unable to leave because he was their responsibility. Even Constable Lestrade from the Met had problems because of him and they weren’t even close. As of now, he could count himself responsible of a wound, a failure, pain, loss, and a heartbreak.

The call disconnected. He got another message from the Woman “Don’t let her words get to you, that’s the way they work. They want you out of the investigation _._ ”

‘Sher?’ He turned to Mycroft, his resolution crumbled and tears threatened to run freely. Mycroft noticed this before Sherlock could collect his thoughts and put back his cold and indifferent mask. Things were bad indeed.


	13. Waking up

**Excerpt from the diary of W.S.S. Holmes**

' _I’m not sure if things are going to be alright. I have gotten constant calls from Mary, and The Woman has been keeping in contact giving me updates of what’s happening within the network. Mycroft is no longer pestering me as to what is the level of involvement I’m allowed in the case. Lestrade has been working nonstop to catch whoever did this to John and I have nothing to prove she was the one behind the gun. Morstan is more than a simple peon in the whole matter, and I’m certain that she’s on the upper levels of the organisation behind everything that’s going on. I’m missing something though. I don’t know who’s the leader, the face behind everything._ '

* * *

 

‘Sherlock?’ Spoken barely above a whisper and broken, it made him turn his attention to the bed and saw John waking up.

The vitals had been spiking announcing activity and doctors and nurses had been taking more rounds as to keep an eye on anything going on. Every time that the nurses got into the room to check after one of the machines beeped, his sister would practically hold her breath until the doctors announced what they saw. It was obvious to Sherlock that Harriet was suspicious about what where his intentions with her brother. Their conversations always turned to John no matter how gruesome was the initial topic, he was constantly on edge trying not to reveal his true feeling to his sister.

Harriet stood from her stool in the corner when Sherlock turned to John when he spoke, and was immediately at his side giving him a cup of water. There was silence as John sipped slowly and Sherlock tried not to scream, jump, run and press the button 20 times for a nurse to rush into the room. Harriet was a bit more composed and Sherlock was thankful that she never mentioned his anxiety the moment John stirred. He could listen her calling the nurse and someone taking John’s vitals. Everything was going to be alright. Except it didn’t.

‘We are sorry to announce that you won’t be able to go back to the army. Your shoulder suffered an important blow and there is some nerve damage. You broke your leg, and we are still worried about your head because of the severity of the impact. We have a couple of questions to ask. Just routine, it’s to assess further damages.’ Everything was so professional that Sherlock hated him from the moment he walked into the room. John turned back to him before assenting to the doctor. ‘What date is the last one you remember?’

’15 January.’

‘This year?’

‘Yeah, I spent part of the winter holidays with Sherlock. We met recently.’

The doctor turned to Sherlock expecting to see a sign that it was true. Harry had to answer instead as Sherlock was somewhat stunned to answer. The doctor eyed him warily as Sherlock sent Mycroft a message with the update on John. He wasn’t sure if this was a good thing or a bad one. John wouldn’t remember Mary and thus putting him out of danger, but he was unaware of other things and that it was his fault for being involved in a case.

It took the doctor a couple of more questions to leave. He said it wasn’t a serious situation but that John would have to go to physical therapies and further studies and brain scans were required to rule out any risk. John agreed to everything. Harry took Mycroft to the cafeteria just to give them some space.

‘So, was this because a case?’ Sherlock turned completely to see him. For the first time John could see the scars left from when they jumped.

‘I’m truly sorry John. I know that you wanted to go to the army and be a doctor saving lives even in one of the most impossible scenarios. I took it from you. It was my fault. I got too deep into a case and all of a sudden people were chasing me. I wanted to keep you safe. Maybe if I listened to what you told me…’

‘You wouldn’t be Sherlock Holmes.’ He gave grinned at Sherlock, and he couldn’t avoid hugging him as careful as he could. ‘Oh my, I must be the luckiest person in the world in order to get a hug from you.’

John’s statement made them both giggle. They remained in silence for a moment basking in each other’s company. No words were needed between them, they just had to be in the presence of the other to feel safe and complete. Because all the time Sherlock spoke to John, he was missing something to make him alive. Without the other they just existed, they drifted through the world without a care of what happened around. Pointless.

That’s when they were interrupted by Mycroft.

‘Hello brother, John. I hope you are feeling better, Sherlock’s been camping by your bed and decided that not taking care of himself was the best way to take care of you. As a medical student, please set him right.’ John was amused with the statement. He never thought Sherlock would care that much for him.

‘Well, just as I said: he wouldn’t be Sherlock if he did.’

‘Oi! Watch it Watson.’ Said Sherlock half mocking him and half annoyed for the statement.

‘Do try to act your age. John, I’m sorry to bring this up to your attention, but the Holmes family is willing to help with your fees. I know you, and before you decline, I’d like to add that you could pay with training and grades as you are deeply involved in a dangerous case. More often than not, people do not care that the target has no memories of the facts. Sherlock will update you on what’s going on and who is the confirmed suspect, as she’s bound to come as soon as she knows you’re awake.’

Once again, John could do nothing more than nod and wait to be given orders. Sherlock gave him a reassuring smile before going into detail of what happened to him.


	14. The confrontation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sherlock confronts Mary Morstan.

**Excerpt from the diary of W.S.S. Holmes**

' _I have never been so angry with someone, that the irrational need to strangle them filled my whole body. Don’t get me wrong Mycroft, yes, I know as a fact that you’ve been reading ever since John got shot and Morstan called saying it was all my fault, but this is far bigger than what we initially thought. I have no idea of who is the person behind the whole network with the imagination to create all these games and traps just because suddenly a kid messed the system and found a trail. I was aware that now that John was awake, the police officer stationed outside the door wouldn’t stop those Mycroft or I pointed, and Lestrade told us there was not enough evidence to keep her out. There was also the problem that she was John’s girlfriend. She barged into the room as if she owned the place. I despise her even though I don’t know her._ '

* * *

 

“Be nice, things are about to go bonkers.” He could only roll his eyes at the message before all hell broke loose.

‘How come I can’t go through?’ Sherlock froze, a contingency plan took form in the few seconds he had before she opened the door and walked into the room as if she owned the place. ‘Oh darling! You finally woke up!’

It took practically his entire willpower not to roll his eyes at her expression. She was so fake that it sometimes baffled him how no-one could perceive her true intentions as they were. Although, perhaps that was the whole point, to see if John was unaware of what was going on around him and make the decision if he could be spared or not. They couldn’t keep the number of bodies growing outside of the PA’s that had been found.

‘I don’t want to be rude but I don’t really think we have ever met.’

‘I was just about to get to that John. Please do keep up. As I was saying, you’ve been out for an entire month, before the whole incident, you met Miss Morstan and decided to date her after a couple of weeks.’

‘Oh Sherlock, there’s no need to be that formal.’

‘I do beg to differ. We are merely acquaintances with a common friend between us.’ He was staring directly at her, defying her. There was little that she could say back if he played his cards properly. She noticed.

‘Come on darling, surely you know that I hold nothing against you. It’s you who has been avoiding going out with John.’ Her smirk looked innocent for a moment before she turned to Sherlock. He understood then why everyone believed her lies as her expression changed so fast to noticed.

‘Well, Sherlock did take some time to open to my other friends. It took some convincing to bring him along. That’s just the way he is, there’s nothing wrong with that.’

Sherlock hadn’t really counted John into his schemes, but what he just said saved him a whole lot of trouble. She looked between them, seizing them for a moment deciding what would be her best option while John tensed as he understood what was going on. They were in danger and this woman was the source of it.

‘Oh darling! Why didn’t you told me so before, we could have changed the way in which I was introduced to him and make things easier. Is it because of a mental disorder or are you just shy?’

Sherlock saw red. Apparently so did John but he kept himself levelled and tried to move the conversation away from Sherlock. ‘That’s not a very nice thing to say. By the by, am I to call you Miss Morstan or do you have a name?’

‘Silly me. I’m Mary Morstan. We never got to our Valentine’s dinner because Sherlock, our dashing detective and dear friend here, got himself admitted to a hospital.’ She dropped the bomb he was trying to avoid. ‘Doctors said it was a suicide attempt. Dreadful that, so young and yet so troubled. You and Mycroft had to take turns.’

‘It was for a night.’

‘And yet, they kept you until they were certain that you wouldn’t try it again.’ Her eyes were damning, her expression spoke of someone so certain that they were close to their objective that Sherlock decided he wouldn’t give her the victory.

‘I was on a case. I have never tried to commit suicide and John is aware of the problems I had. Now, you come here and make accusations when I can could just ask: where were you last night? Because you sure never made it to your house.’

‘Oh, don’t play coy on me Sherlock Holmes, it’s not a game you’d like to play against me. I could also ask you if you have spoken with John about your sexuality.’

‘He might not remember but we have.’

‘Ok guys, stop. What is going on?’ John was watching the discussion as one might watch a ping-pong match. Just trying to get a glimpse of the ball as it’s being thrown between the players until one of them is not fast enough to hit it. He sat there expecting an answer, Sherlock won over Mary for a moment.

‘She’s been sleeping with someone else. A man going by the number of male products she used for today’s morning routine. She has also been avoiding the dorms. What, if I may ask, is it that you are hiding Miss Morstan?’

By the end, Sherlock was on his feet and walking towards Mary as a feline stalking its prey. She gave him a scowl and left almost as a wounded animal. Sherlock was preening before he turned to see John’s expression.

‘Was that really necessary?’ His right arm across his chest as if he was crossing his arms even though he still couldn’t move his left arm. At least Sherlock had the decency to look bashful at his words.

‘No, but it was the only way I could think to keep you safe.’ He was staring at the ground as he said it. John’s expression morphed immediately from exasperation to fondness.

‘Oh. Thank you, even though I don’t know what’s the danger. Care to elaborate on what’s going on with the current case?’

Sherlock doesn’t have to be asked twice to go deep into the details of the case. He did, however, told him of Morstan’s involvement rather than hiding it as he had initially thought.


	15. Bad news

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They are just dancing around each other. Irene makes a fast appearance to warn them. Is that jealousy?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Long chapter! I was going to add more things but thought this was enough. I also needed some things left unsaid.  
> I added a couple of things, the story remains unchanged, but I wanted to clarify a few things. However! I do introduce Moran as a hunter.

**Excerpt from the diary of W.S.S. Holmes**

' _John’s been back at school and having to attend special lessons to catch up with everything he missed. Mycroft asked him to start next week, in the end John accepted his proposal after many discussions, I’m just glad that I won’t have to sit and wait as he leaves for deployments. It is a rather awful and selfish thought, but I’m a bit thankful for his wound. I know it’s cruel, and many think I have the right to be glad as he saved my life, but it turned to a relieve not to wonder for months on end if he’s coming back whole, wounded or a corpse. I’d be lost without John H. Watson._ '

* * *

 

Just like everything in life, there are short amounts of time when things appear to be stable enough to not blow off at the slightest change. As things are, Sherlock is a magnet for trouble, he has always been and will be for the rest of his life. That’s just how things were and the reason why he decided that it was to his best interest to keep John at arm’s length. It was harder that he thought to do so as all he wanted to do was ramble about to the blond about every single experiment he did during his absence and recount every scandal he broke, or confirmed, out of what people said in the halls. John caught up easily after the first week and decided to confront him on the topic.

‘Hey! I know you’ve been avoiding me. You never come into the lab without texting me what weird interesting concoction you’re about to cook.’ He smiled at Sherlock and that smile melted all his barriers as they were not “Watson prove” in his mind. He was startled for a moment about how easy it was to allow him back to his side even though a part of him wanted to keep him away to protect him.

‘No. Believe me when I say that it would be impossible to go on without you.’ He avoided expressing that part of him wanted to be alone, but the most rebellious part of his mind wanted to keep John close and never let him go. It has been so long, that he no longer remembers what it was like to be on his own. Being alone now made him feel empty, as if part of him was missing.

‘Come on Sherlock! Tell me about the super interesting thing that you’re mixing here and how it will help you solve something in the future when we have a case pertaining… dog hair?’ He couldn’t avoid laughing along John, it was just easy to fall back into their old routines. Apparently, a week wasn’t long enough to cut ties and end a relationship. His heart fluttered at the thought of having the possibility to form a relationship with John. He had to push the thought away before it was reflected in his facial features. It was just so easy to notice when someone is in love, that he feared John would notice. That’s why he kept his expression schooled into a cold mask of indifference when he was, in fact, feeling so much that he felt like dying.

‘First, if you must really know, it’s not dog’s hair, it’s human. Second, I just wanted to see if it is possible to identify pigments from single strands. Separate the components that stick to the hair and identify the different brands of dye there are.’

‘Well, I’d certainly be surprised to know someone with that shade of blonde. I really thought it was from a Labrador or something.’ Laughter filled the room as they kept on joking on the subject. John commenting on the way Sherlock’s brain was wired and Sherlock arguing back on John’s intellectual capacity.

‘So, I take it that your training finished. How does it feel? Are you alright? I feel like I should help you somehow but I just don’t know how. I don’t want to make you uncomfortable. Will you come with Mycroft and me? He’s going to pick me up today, perhaps my experiment will have to wait until I get home.’

As if on cue, his mobile pinged with an incoming text. John laughed at the speed in which Sherlock asked him, and was marvelled by how his brain could link so many thoughts to a single strand. He was enraptured by his intelligence. To John, Sherlock shone bright above everyone else, he didn’t realise that to Sherlock he was the sun.

‘I will, he requested me to look for him after classes, not that it’s a hard task when you know how to find him.’

They walked side by side to the main gate where a black car was already waiting for them.

* * *

 

**Excerpt from the diary of W.S.S. Holmes**

' _I don’t suppose people know what “living a nightmare” means until one finds themselves in the middle of one. Such is the story of The Woman. All it took for her to face her demons was someone else trying to protect her. I had never felt so powerless and weak in my entire life than with anything that had to do with her and John. Both in complicated and dangerous situations just because I don’t know how to deal with people. I sometimes get the feeling that they would be better off without ever having met me, rather than with me. **It’s a dangerous thought you have in mind brother mine.** Piss off Mycroft._'

* * *

 

“Dinner?”

‘Sherlock?’ John noticed Sherlock giving a sideways glance to his mobile without answering back. He got suspicious as to who was contacting him as he always replies even if it is just to tell Mycroft to “kindly piss off.”

‘It’s nothing John. Don’t pay attention to the phone.’ As he said this a second message came through. If a single ping could show urgency, John would say that the message was heavy with it. Dread filled him in an instant as Sherlock looked down and curiosity was evident in his face.

“Please Sherlock, come out. You need to listen this.”

‘Sherlock.’ John stared sternly at him as if he could will him to move or say something. Sherlock turned to face John and noticed his expression. Curiosity morphed into annoyance and then into acceptance.

‘Ok! Fine! Send her a message to meet us downstairs. I’m texting Mycroft.’

‘You’re texting Mycroft? Are you sure that doesn’t mean that I have to text him from your phone as you often seem to just forget to contact anyone?’

Now both were exasperated as they stood putting on their shoes and John trying to do so as he sent the text with his left hand. It was not an easy task to try to catch up with Sherlock as his body still ached at some movements, and yet he managed.

‘Yes, well. Please, could you text him? Tell him we are out and about just to gather some data. You could add that he shouldn’t stay as late at the office as, apparently, there’s someone out there who’s mildly aware of his schedule.’

‘You want me to fit all that in a message? I just sent one to The Woman. When will you tell me who’s she?’

‘No-one important.’ Said Sherlock as an afterthought. John couldn’t avoid feeling uncertain about her. Who was she for Sherlock? He had never gotten a name and was Sherlock simply referred to her as “The Woman.” A cold weight settled on his chest at the thought even though his rational side told him it was impossible for Sherlock to take that kind of interest on her.

As he sent the message, they were rushing out the door into the street. John could just try to catch up with Sherlock even in his somewhat weakened state and badly tied trainers. Something important was happening and it was up to him to catch up to them rather than fall behind. They arrived at the temple at the corner, and John finally could place a face to The Woman.

‘What’s going on Irene? What’s so urgent that couldn’t wait for tomorrow?’

‘If it was up to me, you’d be out of the country since the moment you fell to the Thames.’

‘Wait! What?’

‘Inconsequential, I told you everything you need to know regarding the case. I didn’t die so it’s something inconsequential.’ As shock didn’t left John’s face, Sherlock knew that they would be addressing the topic as soon as they were back inside.

‘Apparently, we have several pending conversations.’ Added Irene in amusement as she just stared at them not fully understanding what was going on.

‘John?’ He turned to Irene when he heard her calling his name, her face was somewhat unreadable as she carefully thought her words. ‘Has something happened? You are always right behind Sherlock but never breathless. What happened? You know me. Don’t you? You can trust me.’

‘He has only seen you once from afar that time I asked him to keep up for one of the meetings.’

‘Yes, but it wasn’t far enough for him not to recognise your mole within the enemy front.’ She shakes her head as if getting rid of something. ‘He’s got amnesia. Fuck! This is just going from bad to worse. Are you alright? Seriously. Both of you. I know you were a bit over a month at the hospital.’

‘Getting better.’

‘Get to the point Adler.’ Sherlock’s exasperation was suddenly too obvious, just as Irene’s fear.

‘I’m leaving the U.K. and you should do the same thing. The spider in the middle of the web is about to release Moran on your trail. That’s considering that whatever happened to you wasn’t just a warning from him.’

‘You wouldn’t do that statement unless you were about to disappear.’ He laughed at the idea that she was about to leave the country and all the commodities that she had as of now. He couldn’t picture her in the wild running away from whoever was chasing her.

‘Sherlock. I think that’s precisely what she’s about to do.’ Interceded John as he saw Irene’s face. Sherlock felt as if a cold bucket was thrown his way. A strange feeling filled him as he saw the expression on both, John and Irene. She was a beautiful and remarkable woman after all, and John was straight. It was only natural. A nervous laughter escaped his lips, it took him a moment to realise it was him who was making the noise.

‘You shouldn’t laugh about it. Things are about to get insane. Someone was protecting me for a while, I would have thought I’d be prosecuted or something right after you took a dive at the Thames. Good thing they were slow. That, or someone was protecting me. I don’t know if the same person decided to speak out or if someone else found out, but things are about to go to hell for me. Take care. You needed to know that I’m about to go MIA. There’s someone within and I’m not as well connected to give you any break throughs. I’ll keep in touch, or try to. Would Mycroft be able to bring me back if something happens?’

Sherlock was rendered speechless, it felt wrong that she had to run, so John jumped in ‘We’ll ask him about it. You know how to find us, just keep in touch.’

‘I had never seen you ramble on. Things must be hell.’ Added Sherlock as a thought trying to gather more information.

‘A nightmare through and through darling. Guess we’ll have to postpone dinner.’ She winked at them.

‘I never agreed for dinner. I barely eat.’ John couldn’t believe he hadn’t understood Irene’s innuendo. Relief filled him in that moment when realisation hit him that Sherlock was not invested nor interested.

She left with mock exasperation as John and Sherlock headed back. It’s not often that Sherlock feels out of depth but right now he felt like drowning. Mycroft needed to be aware of the situation and Lestrade had to be on the same page. A body was about to appear in the next couple of days, and they would have to hope it didn’t belong to Miss Adler.

‘You never told me about her.’

‘Of all the things she told us, that’s what worries you? I’m afraid you need to rearrange your priorities mate.’

‘Please never say “mate” again.’ And they were giggling like any other time.

‘Ok. But seriously. Don’t worry about her. You already knew that I am gay and had problems with drugs. Just leaving everything out there for us to be on the same page.’

‘And you jumped into the Thames.’

‘Yup. I jumped into the Thames.’

Everything was fine. They just had to find Moran before whoever that was found them.


	16. Only the dead lie still

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They get pulled deeper in the problem.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning! I'm raising the rate to 'mature' because of the descriptions in this chapter. Although I should probably done so when John got shot...  
> Enjoy!  
> Hi! I'm editing this chapter as well. Not much is changed, I'm just adding details to it.

**Excerpt from the diary of W.S.S. Holmes**

' _It filled me with great relief, that John accepted me as I am for a second time. No more secrets between us. Since our encounter with The Woman, Mycroft tried to convince us of going to St. Andrews to finish out studies rather than staying in London. I’m not keen on enduring school without John and he’s about to graduate, and as Molly won’t be going to UCL. Being there by myself doesn’t feel about right. Still, Lestrade depends on John and me to finish and wrap up cases from time to time so he’s been trying to keep us from getting into trouble as John goes to therapy and gets his strength back. He’s been doing great, the doctor Mycroft hired was impressed by his rapid recovery. I do hope his shoulder gets well enough for him to pursue his goal to be a trauma surgeon. I do hope he grants me access to his interesting cases._ '

* * *

 

‘Why is Mycroft so keen on having me learn how to use firearms?’ They had been sitting at Gordon Square as John felt it necessary to take advantage of the sunny day that are often cherished and treasured in London. Sherlock turns to face him with uncertainty clear on his face, he’s not certain of how to tell him the things that cross his mind, the universes and things that he’s able to see, hear, smell and feel all the time. He’s uncertain on how to tell him that Mycroft sees John just as Sherlock does: an extension of himself.

‘He’s just certain that someone will be daft enough to try to kill me before all this mess ends and took matters into his own hands for once. See it this way: we are practically all the time together except for when you have practice and the lessons we don’t have together. Your girlfriend decided to go MIA and hasn’t given any clue as to what is going on, the series of murders stopped, and all of this doesn’t add up to something good. We are either sitting ducks waiting for something bad to happen, or the whole circle of operation decided to move somewhere else. I doubt the latter as we have seen things moving pushing Irene out of the country. No, there’s definitely something going on here.’

John was rendered silent and his books were forgotten at his side. They had been keeping up with school work, but he had to agree that it was one thing to relax for a moment and have some peace, and another thing to be unaware of what was going on. After being so in contact with Sherlock he began seeing for himself how things were constantly on the move and people were either too daft to notice or involved. According to Mycroft “the universe is ever so lazy” when things come down to coincidences. Mary had appeared in his life after they were brought into the investigations, and Adler only decided to flee after the whole drama at the hospital and Mary’s disappearance. Sherlock was right, something was undoubtedly going on without them being aware of it.

‘I wouldn’t expect the universe to give us just about enough time to gather our wits. I’ve been rereading the notes you gave me on the things that have happened since the last thing I remember, and thought that whoever is behind feels like a Bond villain.’

Sherlock snickered at the comparison and John couldn’t avoid laughing at his distraught expression. ‘Sorry, you’re just too easy to pick on.’

‘As long as you don’t turn into a burly brute.’ He rolled his eyes, John sobered up as they laid down on the grass turning to each other. John was about to say something before Sherlock’s phone light with an incoming call. It was so rare that both were rendered silent once again before Sherlock answered. The moment was broken and life moved on as it normally did.

‘Holmes.’ Sherlock answered. John couldn’t avoid notice the uncertainty in his voice.

‘Freak!’ Sherlock flinched at the nickname, he was glad that John couldn’t hear it. He composed himself almost immediately.

‘If you just called to insult me Sargent, I’ll just cut the call short. What do you want?’

‘No! Wait! Sorry, Sherlock. I’m calling you before I even contact Lestrade. You need to see this.’ He could tell that she was in a hurry and that the call was to be kept a secret as she was almost whispering.

‘Sally?’ Asked John quietly as Sherlock sat straight interested on what was going on.

‘There’s a new body. I’m messaging you the address. Lestrade won’t want to keep you on the case after he sees this.’ She sounded anxious, something far from the centred woman that he knew.

‘What’s wrong with this one?’

‘Well, there’s a clear message to you. You have to see it and call your brother as soon as possible.’ Resignation and a plea to hurry. The call was cut then and he got the address almost instantly, she had already written the message, she wanted to make sure that she had his number rather than his brother’s. That was the logical reason for the call. He was already picturing the situation. Indeed Mycroft would get involved either they wanted him to or not.

‘John, I really hope that this is not about to blow.’ They turned to each other and hurriedly gathered their stuff and headed to Euston Road to catch a cab. She did mention that they had to beat Lestrade after all, and the place was close enough to have a good 10 minutes to assess the crime scene.

As they arrived with a couple of minutes to spare, Sherlock suspected Mycroft had something to do with that but there was no way to know. Going into the theatre was filled with dread, it was obvious that something was wrong if Sally had decided to call them in even though she’s the first one to kick them out. As he walked through the backstage, he saw the faces of those around, sorrow was so thick it was almost tangible. They all stared at him as they made their way towards the body, it came almost as a surprise when he came face to face with a bloodied grin.

‘Are you alright? If this is too much we can get you in a protection programme or something. You’re still too young to deal with all of what’s going on.’ Her voice sounded uncertain and insecure to his ears, she was warily observing them as to assess their reactions. Sherlock could feel John’s apprehension and took a step back to see the whole body.

That’s when he saw it. His name had been carved on the man’s chest before he died. He could see the rough patterns that signalled a struggle, the man was conscious and alive when the wounds were inflicted. He could only suppose that in the end he blacked-out because of the pain he had to endure to get such ragged lacerations. The knot on the rope and his grin indicated that he tried to warn about something to his murderers, because there was no way this had been a one-man job.

‘Donovan!’ The three of them turned at the same time as Lestrade entered the room, ‘what were you thinking bringing them in without asking me?’

‘I was thinking that you wouldn’t allow them to see. I think that they have the right to know what’s going on. They are involved whether they like it or not. And the same goes to you, we can’t protect them if they go on their own investigating. Think of what happened to John.’ She was serious, they could see it in her voice and her stance. Lestrade’s expression calmed and he sighed in defeat. She was right.

‘Ok, give me what you have.’

Sherlock grinned. ‘This was clearly planned and perpetrated by at least three persons, two holding him and the other person to do the writing. So, this was clearly a warning, not to me mind you, but to whoever is really involved. Although it is clear that they belong to the same crime organisation that has been pestering us. That much is clear from my name, but I think my name is a warning to my brother, someone saying “this could happen to him.” As the man’s face displays a victory grin, I also think that someone within the organisation is going to act against the murderers. Take that in consideration when you find a couple of bodies either overdosed or in pieces. I wouldn’t worry much about them, but one of this man’s friend is a heavy user.’

‘Brilliant!’ Blurted John as he finished. Both grinned.


	17. An ally in the shadows after all

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just filling some gaps.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone. I just did a few modifications here. The story remains unchanged.

**Excerpt from the diary of W.S.S. Holmes**

' _Just as I told NSY how things would happen, they happened. Not quite the way I expected, but in the end Lestrade got the murderer, John got beaten I kidnapped, and Mycroft another promotion. You should thank me for this Mycroft! Anyway, Lestrade got mad at us, nothing new there, Donovan had to step in to help us, I was rendered speechless by that, and The Woman sent yet another cryptic message. So, this week’s been deeply entertaining and according to John “worthy of a Bond film” whatever that might mean. I have the suspicion that that makes me the damsel in distress. How pedestrian of me. Mycroft also decided that moving was in order. The whole process of moving things and boxes from one place to the next is tedious. Packing and unpacking takes more time than what should be necessary. John is finishing his exams and making study guides that summarise months’ worth of knowledge into a couple of days._ '

* * *

  

‘Oh please, cut the act, I know you’re only faking’ Sherlock opened his eyes and glared at his captor. She simply sat there with a smug smile and a makeup that made her look a couple of years older. ‘Well, hello! There you are. Such beautiful eyes shouldn’t be kept hidden, you knew I was following you. Why not cut the chase short?’ She was wielding a firearm as if it was nothing. The weight was familiar on her arm as if it was an extension of her and no longer a tool. Sherlock could see that she was agile and to some extent invisible. She smiled.

‘I knew I’d see you again. You turned on Irene, didn’t you? You’re the whistle-blower so to say. What a surprise to see you Miss Morstan, or should I call you Moran?’ Her smile turned dangerous at the mention of her name. She stood from where she was sitting by the corner and prowled to him as the fearless warrior that she was. No wonder she was so good as a sniper, she sure had a lot of patience.

‘Listen to me you little pest. I could wipe you out of existence this very moment of you could help me with a couple of things.’ The gun was then pressed against his temple, too bad for her she saw the lock was still on.

‘You can’t kill me. What happened to turn you against your own minder? What do I have to do with anything?’ He remained stoic, everything could go wrong in a second.

‘No I can’t,’ she lowered her gun and took a step back, ‘I don’t have another choice. I need your help.’

‘My help? What makes you think I’ll help you when you tried to kill me and hurt John. Watson, you know? Medical student? Straight A’s and can’t remember most of January, February and March, was completely out for most part of March and April. You remember him? Well he doesn’t remember you because he fell out a window as a bullet went through him. Hideous wound, can’t play rugby, and won’t be able to follow his “dream” of being a surgeon in the army. Not that I’m complaining about the last part, but I’d given up seeing him every-day if it meant him being happy.’

‘Well, people say you don’t have a heart. I think you have the biggest one and try to hide it.’

He wanted to hide somewhere and perhaps die, with that statement he had revealed his weakest point to one of his enemies. It was up to her to take things as they were said and use them against him, or demonstrate her worth and show him that she was on his side. Whatever that might mean at this point as she could very well be like The Woman and just be looking for a way out of a business that got out of control and ultimately threatened her life. Yet she smiled at him and went to release him from his binds and cuffs.

‘I don’t want us to be enemies. I’ll give you everything you need in exchange of a new identity. I know that you covered Adler’s way out of the country, there’s no other way. The body retrieved wasn’t hers. How did you do it?’

‘I’m afraid I don’t know. She must know someone as she was the one to warn us and to stay away. She left on her own the next morning.’

He was sad for her, she had looked so strong and sure of herself all the other times they met, that the woman standing before him was nothing more but a shadow of the ruthless assassin he thought of her. She was now pacing the small room as she arranged her thoughts. It was sad to see her as worried as she was.

‘Did they hurt you when they took you?’ He was brought back from his musings with the question, she noticed the slight confusion. ‘Your kidnappers, did they hurt you?’

‘Not too much, I imagine that it was just about enough to send the picture to Mycroft. They actually told me, and I quote them, that they’d “rather get caught by the government than by the man in the shadows.” Whatever that means.’ She paled for a moment, the expression obvious to Sherlock as he was observing her closely.

‘You have to stop prodding the matter. He’s not coming after you but you’re turning into a beautiful block in his way and he will not hesitate to eliminate you. Age and all be damned, he’ll just murder you in a way that looks either an accident or a suicide. Stay away from everything that’s going on.’

She gave him a worried look and he knew that she was not joking.

‘What did you do that made you ask for protection?’

A blast from his right gave her enough cover for her to retreat. He was on his own against whoever came his way.


	18. Moriarty

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things take an unexpected turn to the worse. Moriarty finally makes it to the picture.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone. Next chapter is the last chapter as I want finish but have been otherwise engaged in trying to make sense of my dissertation. I hope you like how it turns out in the end. I would like to extend it a bit but felt like it was best to finish it.

**Excerpt from the diary of W.S.S. Holmes**

' _I would like to say that I found the whole “meet your archenemy” situation risible, absurd and ludicrous, but it definitely wasn’t. Professor Moriarty is truly an insatiable and greedy human, but also possesses a sharp mind capable of equal mine. The worst thing of his whole persona is his hidden cruelty that surpasses the horrors seen in the darkest wars. We were lucky that Mycroft found us in time._ '

* * *

 

‘Well isn’t this a turnout?’ Sherlock’s heart stopped as he saw John in a suit coming into the room, his face a blank mask and his stride sure and full of purpose. ‘Evening.’ He felt like dying. It was like drowning in the deepest and darkest place at the bottom of the Thames the day he jumped except that he wasn’t about to die because of it. Then he noticed John signalling S.O.S.

‘Who are you?’ The question felt alien in his lips. It was so easy to see through everyone and when he needed it the most, he felt barren. Finding the words turned into a chore, but keeping whoever was talking to John had to feel in control of the situation. John always said there was a way out, he just had to find it.

‘Jim Moriarty! I’m so glad you finally came out to play. We haven’t been properly introduced Sherlock Holmes.’ A shiver ran up his spine, he was about to find the man that lurked in the shadows moving everyone as a puppeteer. He took his stance and tried to look defiant while all he wanted to do was grab John by the sleeves and pull him until they were outside.

‘It would be nice if you showed your face about now. I don’t bargain unless I can see my counterpart.’

‘Oh please, don’t be boring.’ Came a voice from behind John, he had been so distracted that he failed to notice someone approaching them. He would berate himself for that later, right now they had to focus. ‘You won’t be leaving this place after we’re done here. Daddy has had enough. Back off.’

‘Well, it’s a pleasure to meet you I guess.’ He recognised Moriarty as one of the main academics in political science, lowering his stance a bit, he noticed John shifting his weight about to attack him. It was clear that he was creating an open for Sherlock to escape. That was not going to happen.

As John jumped and grabbed Moriarty, Sherlock heard the distinct “click” of a gun ready to fire. John immediately turned to his left and released Moriarty as Mary was aiming at Sherlock. He felt his blood run cold as she made her way to him without lowering her weapon.

‘Ah! Moran, it was high time that you showed up rather than leaving me to deal with these two on my own. Have you met her already?’ Sherlock could see John was angry for not noticing her earlier. They were locked in a hopeless situation where Moriarty had the upper hand.

‘I wasn’t about to leave all the fun to you. To be quite honest I’m tired of having them trying to bite my ankle.’

‘So, it was you who was murdering the PA’s.’ John stated in a silent tone which spoke tonnes to Sherlock, he just hoped they would take it as someone naïve discovering the “dark side” of a beloved one. After all, they did date for a while, and Sherlock never mentioned that she was the murderer.

‘Why do you keep him close? I think you’re in need of a new pet darling.’ Mary’s aim turned to John in that moment making Sherlock jump to action.

‘No wait! It’s me who you want. Who will send a message to Mycroft if you get rid of him? He tolerates John because he’s important to him, but if you really want to have power over Mycroft you need me. Send John to carry the message.’ Mary stood still waiting for an order as Moriarty looked pensive as if he was pondering the situation even if he wasn’t. Sherlock could see how the decision had been made the moment he passed John as if he was nothing but a pawn in the board. Disposable, a mean to an end.

‘If you know what’s best for you, you will let the kids leave Professor.’ They all turned to see Mycroft entering the room through the same path taken by Mary. Sherlock had never been so happy to see his brother and, to both his delight and chagrin, Lestrade following right behind. ‘Did you really thought I’d leave my brother unprotected?’

Moriarty’s grin changed from amusement to cruel. Sherlock began wondering if this was his plan all along. ‘Moran, kill John.’

‘I’ll shoot you before you pull the trigger!’ Came Lestrade’s answer. She changed her aim to him.

‘Moriaty! No-one has to die tonight. We could get to an agreement of sorts or see that a ransom is payed. Let Sherlock and John out of this, it was me who got them involved in the first place.’ Sherlock could do little else than see his brother bargain with Moriarty as if he could nudge the spider sitting in a web while avoiding its bite. Moriarty’s dead eyes shined with his intellect and madness, he knew what he was doing and that Mycroft was about to sell his position pushed him to act on impulse.

As no-one was paying him attention, he ran and tackled Moriarty from where he was standing. The distraction gave John the chance to take Mary’s gun as Lestrade dropped his gun and restrained her as quickly as he could. The rapid succession of events led to a moment of confusion and Mycroft took advantage by taking the gun and aiming to Moriarty as he pinned Sherlock to the ground and was about to punch him. His stance spoke of madness and his need of blood even though he appeared to be half aware of the situation around him. Sherlock had never feared for his life more than that moment when Moriarty was about to deliver the first blow. He had seen people being unable to stop after the first punch and he could see it in Moriarty as his eyes lacked life and soul. If he was to die, he was thankful that Lestrade and Mycroft were there to help John.

‘Don’t you even dare.’ Said Mycroft taking aim. Moriarty laughed at him as he pulled out a knife.

‘Let me do it.’ Said Moran taking the gun from John as he turned to Lestrade who was panting but otherwise unharmed. She walked to Mycroft’s side and took her shot before Moriarty could do anything. ‘Darling, your gun had the safety-lock on. It would’ve been embarrassing to face him as such.’

Sherlock crawled from under Moriarty’s corpse heaving and with a sick look in his face. John was helping him the moment he got over his shock of Mary shooting someone on the head. It shouldn’t be that much of a surprise as she did try and failed to bring them down.

‘Why did you do that?’ Was the first thing asked by John. He was supporting Sherlock as he stood.

‘Well, I had a better deal with Holmes. He did say that he’d help me out of the network. I’d like him to keep his word. I’ll tell you everything you need to know to bring down every single operation and the rings that are involved. His network’s reach is international.’ She lowered her weapon and sat with her back to the wall.

‘I never made such agreement…’ Began Mycroft before being cut by Sherlock

‘But I did.’ They all turned to him half expecting an explanation and half hoping it wasn’t as he said. ‘She came to me before Moriarty and had a lovely little chat. As our dear professor began to lose his grasp on reality, she began to fear what he could do.’

‘He made me kill the PA’s even after they had given all the information. All the corpses were to be bared and moved to a location where it would be easy to think of a drug user having a fix gone wrong or a score. When I tried to stop he turned to one of the rings, which is why it was such a mess when you found the performer.’

‘I’m still unconvinced.’ Said Mycroft.

‘And from what I have seen you will never be. Just trust me when I say that he was planning on waging a war bigger than the world wars. I saw him growing more unstable with every idea and every move, but he totally lost it when Sherlock began to get involved. He was going to use it to manipulate Mycroft in the government. His personal pawn. Didn’t go far there. Adler did an amazing job with giving him tips.’

When Mycroft agreed to talk with her the specifics of her release, Lestrade called a unit to the building. As the place got flooded with cops and cleaned they all agreed to say that Lestrade had taken the shot when Moriarty was about to kill Sherlock. It was big news that a professor kidnapped a student and tried to murder him when the police found where he was being held hostage. News are like fairy tales after all.


	19. The end and new beginnings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They get to have a moment of their own. The chapter in which Sherlock finally tells John that he loves him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone. I hope you like this final chapter! I planned on doing it a bit longer but I've been caught on school work and my dissertation. The last chapters aren't even half of what I wanted them to be and I didn't want to let the work incomplete. Kind regards!

**Excerpt from the diary of W.S.S. Holmes**

' _It doesn’t take much to like someone, that happens within minutes of the first meeting, but it takes experiences to know and ultimately love someone. There had never been someone by my side other that Mycroft. He used to be more than my big brother, he was my best friend until the day he left for school and abandoned me. For some time, I despised him; turned him into my enemy when the only exit I knew were drugs. He was the only one who understood and then I had no-one close. When John spoke to me rather than at me the first day I didn’t know what to expect, was I being taunted or was he genuinely interested in pursuing a friendship? For a couple of months, jumping from case to case was the best feeling in the world as John ran by my side. Even Lestrade saw us as a unit, but it was Molly who realised my feelings for him before I did. Embarrassment filled me at the time thinking of it as a great disadvantage but, in my eyes as many might disagree, Moriarty proved that having John Watson on my side was better than standing against the world on my own._ '

* * *

 

‘Hi Sherlock! Sorry I’m late, what are you doing?’ Upon being brought back to reality by Molly, he hastily closed his diary and shoved it into his bag. Mycroft must have let her in the moment he was leaving for the office, apparently his new position meant that they could call him in at any moment. That, and a PA that sometimes doubled as what he could only describe as a babysitter as she wouldn’t allow him to go out when John wasn’t there.

‘Nothing! I hadn’t even realised it was late. Was it Mycroft who let you in?’ She turned to see the door before turning back to Sherlock in mild confusion. That alone was the answer he needed.

‘We’re going out through the window.’ He stood packing his things in a hurry as Molly was left to catch up on what was going on.

‘Wait, what? Through the window?’ She held her bag close to her as a nervous habit.

‘Yes, we don’t want Mycroft’s PA to know where we’re going. It’s just to Torrington Place.’

‘Are we going to Roberts Building?’

‘Most definitely no.’ He smiled to her and she just rolled her eyes. Leave it to Sherlock to be cryptic and secretive about a coffee shop.

‘Just say that you want an overpriced coffee and a chocolate treat.’ She crossed her arms waiting for an answer as he looked surprised as she outed him.

‘No! It’s for a case.’ He mustered as serious as he could.

‘Case my homework. We can work at the Costa if you want. Lead the way.’ They left through the fire escape and the neighbour’s front door to avoid attention. It was always easy to get caught in the hurricane of energy that was Sherlock.

‘Send John a message, tell him to meet us there. I calculate that it’ll take Mycroft’s team about an hour to locate us. That’s enough time for John to meet us after his appointment.’ He smiled back at her as they made their way leaving Russell Square and through SOAS.

‘I never thought you would walk the long way following streets. I sent him a message before we left.’

‘Oh. Thank you for the forethought. I suppose that after spending so much time with me something has to be learnt.’

‘Oi! Don’t take all the credit. I know how you feel about John and I can tell that he’s the same.’ She hid her smile and Sherlock sent her a suspicious glance.

‘Whatever are you talking about?’ She noticed his furrowed brow as he turned the information and prepared to analyse her next words. It was this kind of confusion that showed her that Sherlock was nothing like people thought of him. They saw a cold and calculating being that would take advantage of everything and everyone with no remorse, but she had seen him after John had been hurt and the days when he tried to cut their friendship. He hid behind barriers and was afraid of sentiment just because he felt so strongly and with a passion that would rival anyone else’s.

‘You should’ve seen him when you were in the hospital being held after you took a dive to the Thames. When you were kidnapped he called me to ask if you were with me, he remained calmed albeit he has a tell or two. I see how he looks at you when we are all studying in your room. It’s just when he knows you won’t see him.’

It took Sherlock a moment to realise that he had stopped. They were standing right before Roberts Building and the word “change” written in capitals caught his attention. He would be lying, even to himself, if he said that he hadn’t hope against hope that there was just the tiniest affection from John. Anything resembling love was properly filed and categorised in his mind palace, every smile and touch, for as insignificant as it seemed, was sitting almost hidden from himself as he tried not to fall in love. Although it would seem now that it was just wishful thinking as they both, Molly and himself, knew that he had been in love for quite some time now.

‘Sherlock?’ Molly’s voice brought him back from his reverie once again. He smiled at her before signalling that they should keep on moving.

It wasn’t long before John joined them at the café leaving his thing with them at the table while he went to place his order. Molly decided that this was the perfect moment for them to talk and after a couple of minutes, she sent Mycroft a message to let them be for a while as she made her excuses to leave.

‘I just got here! Was it something I said?’ She smiled at John and upon seeing Sherlock’s panic she decided to give them a nudge.

‘No, I just thought… well Sherlock and I were talking about a few things and, well, it made me realise that you two have a couple of things to clear between you. Sherlock will know what I’m talking about.’ Having said this, she gathered her things and left wishing them luck and winking at Sherlock.

‘So, what is it?’ Asked John as Sherlock tried, and failed, to look busy in his laptop. He needed to think for a moment, what if Molly was right? ‘Sherlock?’

He turned back to see John as Molly sent him a message. “Don’t look like you are going to a funeral. Trust me on this Sherlock, you two could be brilliant. A dynamic duo. Just tell him how you feel. I texted Mycroft, just so you know.”

He smiled at the text, trust Molly to know what he needs to hear, or read in this case. Taking a deep breath to release some of the tension, he closed his laptop and placed it in his bag. It was his chance, if he was just about to do this he would do it right; no hesitation or insecurities. He grabbed his cup almost defensively and took a moment to gather his wit. It was as if he was preparing to battle. When he raised his head to see John he saw what Molly saw, it was obvious that he was John’s favourite person.

Hiding a shy smile behind his hand, Sherlock sat straight in his chair before announcing the words he had dreaded for a long time.

‘I love you.’ Both were frozen for a moment as John processed Sherlock’s words, he couldn’t take the silence and broke it going thought all his thoughts and insecurities. ‘I know it’s not the most conventional way to say it, I mean, we’re not even dating or anything… well yes, we are friends, have been for a while, but you immediately took a more permanent and important role in my life. I will totally understand if you don’t want to ever see me again, I mean, you date women and while you have been respectful to me I don’t think I have ever seen you…’

He never had a chance to finish his thought. For a moment, everything was blissfully silent as John kissed him. The whole world could end in that moment and they wouldn’t notice as they were rather entertained in their own world.

‘You have no idea how glad I am to hear you say that you love me. I was worried that you would find out and end our friendship.’

Both laughed for what seemed to stretch for ever. At least it felt like that until his mobile pinged with a message from Lestrade. Excitement filled them with the promise of a case and a relationship.


End file.
